Am I being self absorbed?

[Whosthatonethere]

I was recently hospitalised for a week and a bit, I’ve had physical and mental health struggles in the past and it’s something I’ve been handling pretty well up until very very recently. I have a close knit friendship group of under 10 people and up until this august I lived with two members of this group - I’ve known both of these two for about 5/6 years. A day before I was committed I posted it on my private story (only available to this close group) a very brief message about how I was going, I don’t know how long for and to not be worried if I didn’t reply. Both of these two saw this story and one messaged quite concerned and in a very supportive way (which of course I appreciated she’s amazing) however one of them just ignored this.

Am I being self absorbed / getting hung up on something that doesn't matter. I didn’t put up the post to get a reaction (most people just gave me a good luck or thinking of you! I didn’t have a big conversation with anyone) but idk thinking of it after it feels so personal but I don’t want people to think I’m over exaggerating or being crazy... which I kinda feel like I am being :/ I guess my question is am I right to feel this way?

I feel like if I mention it I will just look like some huge attention seeker and it might cause rifts in the group - it’s not that deep to me but it does feel like a bit of a oh well wasn’t expecting that

(Also I understand this person could be going through their own issues and I’ve struggles with depression etc before and I know how hard it can be to pick up the phone. please understand it’s something I’ve considered )

Sorry if that’s ramble-y, I feel a bit silly after posting anyway I know it’s not a true true reflection of friendship. I’m interested in peoples thoughts regardless

 

[Raininvain]

People tend to be really only interested in themselves generally, so I wouldn't be surprised at all. I'd just leave it and just concentrate on your recovery.

 

[Jellybeansoup]

Do they still live together? Two of my best friends do and I know that sometimes they send messages from both via just one? It’s common for them to discuss things in person if something comes up and then send a message as one instead of bombarding me with two separate things

 

[EllaEllaElla]

You're not being self absorbed or any such thing. We all want words of encouragement and thoughts of appreciation now and again, it's normal, it's human.
Maybe this friend didn't know how to respond maybe? Obviously I don't know the relationship you hold with them but are they someone who reaches out on other occasions, do they respond and/or converse with you about this topic at other times or in general etc? Your fourth paragraph is valid too. It may simply be that they have something going on themselves.
Honestly, I would just, like @Raininvain said, concentrate on your recovery and put this to the back of your head.
I hope everything is and does go well for you. x

 

[JoeBloggs]

I also think sometimes people just don’t know what to say. Over messages things can be miss read and perhaps they just don’t know what to say to express things to you. I know I’m guilty of that.

Hope your recovery goes well, focus on you x

 

[Sailorontheseasea]

I think when you’re unwell/mentally down it can make you really sensitive to stuff like that. I know my own friendship group had something very similar a month ago, my baby was in hospital (all fine now!) and my friends grandad is sadly coming to the end of his life and someone in our group didn’t reach out at all and it made us all feel angry and sad but you’re not being self absorbed at all and nor should you feel it. When you’re supposed to be mates with someone close it’s a real kick in the teeth and your friend should be doing better if there’s no genuine excuse for not reaching out.

I am sure there is a reason for it though and it wasn’t intended maliciously. As all of the above posters said, focus on yourself and your recovery and address that friendship as time goes on - if they continue to make you feel like this then personally I would distance myself from it. Hope you’re ok and feeling better! Sending well wishes xxx

 

[judgejohndeed]

I’m interested in peoples thoughts regardless

Not self absorbed at all, I can see why that would be really upsetting for you and I hope you're doing okay. However just a thought - you know Instagram tells you people have 'seen' the story? Well I often just scroll when bored and I'm sure I've 'seen' loads of stories that I haven't actually looked at properly you know. Even ones that come up green as a private one. Then people say to me 'oh did you see my story' and technically I've seen it but I wasn't looking if that makes sense? Or sometimes I look at something and mean to reply later but then forget. If your relationship with this person is otherwise fine (e.g. they're usually caring, not the selfish type etc) I wouldn't think too much of it, things are a bit crazy with the pandemic for everyone right now and you've mentioned this person having depression so maybe they're also struggling. Have they fallen off the radar more generally, might be opportune to actually reach out to them and check if they're ok as well if you can?

 

[Whosthatonethere]

Firstly I would just like to say Thank you everyone for all the kind messages about my recovery, it means a lot and I hope any hardship or pain in your lives is eased as soon as possible

Do they still live together? Two of my best friends do and I know that sometimes they send messages from both via just one? It’s common for them to discuss things in person if something comes up and then send a message as one instead of bombarding me with two separate things

They do but that’s quite unusual behaviour for them, usually they’ll mention if the other one has anything to say or use “we” instead of I

You're not being self absorbed or any such thing. We all want words of encouragement and thoughts of appreciation now and again, it's normal, it's human.
Maybe this friend didn't know how to respond maybe? Obviously I don't know the relationship you hold with them but are they someone who reaches out on other occasions, do they respond and/or converse with you about this topic at other times or in general etc? Your fourth paragraph is valid too. It may simply be that they have something going on themselves.
Honestly, I would just, like @Raininvain said, concentrate on your recovery and put this to the back of your head.
I hope everything is and does go well for you. x

We have talked about this quite a lot and because they’ve been in my life so much they know how serious my health journey has been, thankyou tbh I was just looking for a sign I’m not being silly! I doubt I will act on it and I’m sure when we talk next he’ll mention it / any reason he didn’t reach out

I also think sometimes people just don’t know what to say. Over messages things can be miss read and perhaps they just don’t know what to say to express things to you. I know I’m guilty of that.

Hope your recovery goes well, focus on you x

That’s very true, I think this friend is also quite guilty of ‘smoking’ a lot on the regular (something I don’t really consider because I don’t partake in) but my boyfriend pointed out he could’ve just scrolled through, not really read and missed it - I don’t think my friend living with him would have wanted to bring it up with him

I think when you’re unwell/mentally down it can make you really sensitive to stuff like that. I know my own friendship group had something very similar a month ago, my baby was in hospital (all fine now!) and my friends grandad is sadly coming to the end of his life and someone in our group didn’t reach out at all and it made us all feel angry and sad but you’re not being self absorbed at all and nor should you feel it. When you’re supposed to be mates with someone close it’s a real kick in the teeth and your friend should be doing better if there’s no genuine excuse for not reaching out.

I am sure there is a reason for it though and it wasn’t intended maliciously. As all of the above posters said, focus on yourself and your recovery and address that friendship as time goes on - if they continue to make you feel like this then personally I would distance myself from it. Hope you’re ok and feeling better! Sending well wishes xxx

DEFINITELY! I think I tend to internalise things and sort of try find routes to blame myself or make a bigger fuss out of it than I would just approaching it rationally because my emotions are running so high. Thank you this really has voiced what I was feeling and I hope your baby and friends grandad continue to feel better! x

Yeah, I think that’s really great advice - their usually lovely and I’m very sure it wasn’t malicious rather just being lazy or not knowing what to say etc but if they continue to be weird when I see them next I’ll just distance

Not self absorbed at all, I can see why that would be really upsetting for you and I hope you're doing okay. However just a thought - you know Instagram tells you people have 'seen' the story? Well I often just scroll when bored and I'm sure I've 'seen' loads of stories that I haven't actually looked at properly you know. Even ones that come up green as a private one. Then people say to me 'oh did you see my story' and technically I've seen it but I wasn't looking if that makes sense? Or sometimes I look at something and mean to reply later but then forget. If your relationship with this person is otherwise fine (e.g. they're usually caring, not the selfish type etc) I wouldn't think too much of it, things are a bit crazy with the pandemic for everyone right now and you've mentioned this person having depression so maybe they're also struggling. Have they fallen off the radar more generally, might be opportune to actually reach out to them and check if they're ok as well if you can?

Sorry I think I’ve addressed some of this above but yes I completely understand! I think their alright just because they live in quite a big house, live with all their friends and seem to be quite happy on social media but ofc this might not be a true reflection and as soon as it’s safe and I’m feeling up to it I’ll arrange a proper catchup something with them x

 

[SassyShetland]

Hope you’re ok and starting to feel more like yourself. Honestly if I’d seen this story I don’t think I would have messaged you. I would have seen you saying not to worry if you don’t reply as you don’t have access to/or don’t want to be tied to your phone or explaining your situation. I’d be comfortable that we were close enough friends to have lived together until very recently and would hope that you know I’d be there for you if you needed.

By being brave enough to be open about the situation on your stories the last thing I’d want to be doing is making you feel you have to reply or explain further to me.

But I am a cold hearted, emotionless witch at times so take from that what you will