Almost 8 year old with Violent outbursts after limited screen time

[Don'tlookEthel]

My kid is a lovely boy, except after any amount of screen time (not including TV). We'll go weeks with it embargoed and when he is allowed back on its limited to 1 hour max. Pretty much 80% the time when that hour is up things are thrown, I get pushed, sometimes kicked and last night he slammed a door on my hand.

I would be happy to never ever stick a tablet or game in front of him ever again but

A) school sets homework to be done on tablet and
b) he lives in 2025 and I don't want him to be a complete outsider (modern equivalent to the kid who didn't have a TV in our class)
c) I want to give him opportunities to succeed, and manage his feelings.

Does anyone have experience of this and or any advice?

 

[Pesky Tarian]

My kid is a lovely boy, except after any amount of screen time (not including TV). We'll go weeks with it embargoed and when he is allowed back on its limited to 1 hour max. Pretty much 80% the time when that hour is up things are thrown, I get pushed, sometimes kicked and last night he slammed a door on my hand.

I would be happy to never ever stick a tablet or game in front of him ever again but

A) school sets homework to be done on tablet and
b) he lives in 2025 and I don't want him to be a complete outsider (modern equivalent to the kid who didn't have a TV in our class)
c) I want to give him opportunities to succeed, and manage his feelings.

Does anyone have experience of this and or any advice?

I've had experience of moods when tablet time is over (like you I'm pretty strict with screen time.)

Do you find it's worse depending on what he is playing?. I find roblox the main agitator in our home. I will happily turn the WiFi off so they can only play pre downloaded games, there is definitely a difference when they are asked to come off say toca v coming off roblox.

If you don't have it I really recommended the family link app, you can have a timer that locks them out after a set time, hide and unhide apps. Maybe this would help if the problem is physically having to take it off him?.

It's hard to find a balance like you say when they have homework online (and peers seemingly online all the time!!).

 

[Don'tlookEthel]

Thank you, yes I use 'kid zone' so can set a timer, and at the same time I set one on the alexa so I can ask it how many mins left so he gets a countdown effectively.

Game wise I haven't noticed a pattern, but maybe I ought to keep a diary and see if there is one.

All tips online suggests its too much screen time but that's not the case here, its any screen time!

Thank you for replying, it's horrific during the tantrum and I can feel like I've failed him whilst trying to do my best!

 

[Pesky Tarian]

Thank you, yes I use 'kid zone' so can set a timer, and at the same time I set one on the alexa so I can ask it how many mins left so he gets a countdown effectively.

Game wise I haven't noticed a pattern, but maybe I ought to keep a diary and see if there is one.

All tips online suggests its too much screen time but that's not the case here, its any screen time!

Thank you for replying, it's horrific during the tantrum and I can feel like I've failed him whilst trying to do my best!

You are absolutely doing your best, the easy option is to let them have as much screen time as they like (and I know many parents that do just that).

My personal take is if that they are stimulated in other "traditional" ways i.e. drawing, park etc then the tablet is super over stimulating to a little brain. Sorry I cannot offer more other than they do grow out of it and develop reasoning skills!!.

 

[Don'tlookEthel]

Knowing he'll grow out of it is a great comfort!

 

[rainbowlemon]

Give him a 10-minute and 5-minute warning before screen time ends. Instead of a sudden stop tell him for example, “You have 5 minutes—finish this level or write down where you left off.” After screen use, have a predictable, activity e.g., a snack.

Does he want control? If screens feel like a battle, give choices within limits: “Do you want tablet time before or after your snack?”

Maybe also try to work on emotional regulation. Teach him about different feelings and what to do when he's feel frustrated and angry. It is not okay for him to be physically pushing you or slamming the doors. If he throws things or hurts you, screen time the next day could be reduced.

If he gets angry, redirect his anger to a boxing punch bag or pillow.

Meditation at that age, can be simple like lying on the floor and looking up at a galaxy projector on the celling.

 

[Don'tlookEthel]

We give him a countdown, it's the emotional regulation (and screen time is the only flash point), we have an usborne book of emotions that maybe we can go back to, discuss beforehand how he's going to deal with his distress at the end of tablet time. May if he pre plans his anger that could work.... thank you!!! X

 

[melisnusty]

We give him a countdown, it's the emotional regulation (and screen time is the only flash point), we have an usborne book of emotions that maybe we can go back to, discuss beforehand how he's going to deal with his distress at the end of tablet time. May if he pre plans his anger that could work.... thank you!!! X

I would mention it to school. He will have screen time there and it would be interesting to know how he reacts. It could be that he could do any school tasks in school time, ask if they could accommodate him in this way. I wouldn’t worry too much (I know it’s easy for me to say) about him being like the kid with no tv because if there’s other stimulating things for him to do then he can leave the devices for now. It may be that he can earn some home screen time if he completes the tasks in school time but I think it’s best to talk to his teacher and let school know what is going on. Has anything changed at school? Friendship groups etc? All behaviour is communication it’s just sometimes we can’t see what’s being communicated because it lies behind this level of behaviour.
He might be using the screen time as decompression and so reacts badly when it’s taken away. How does he act the rest of the time? Is he remorseful? Will he talk to you about how he’s feeling? Does he see this behaviour acted out anywhere else?
In any case, this behaviour is not sustainable so please reach out to school and your GP if needed.

 

[Kim Mild]

Does reducing the brightness on his screen make any difference? Can you link his device to a larger screen ? Or use an external speaker? The issues may be visual or auditory over- stimulation.
A lot of things are done on a screen these days, it can't be avoided, but little tweaks may help him cope better

 

[Don'tlookEthel]

He might be using the screen time as decompression and so reacts badly when it’s taken away. How does he act the rest of the time? Is he remorseful? Will he talk to you about how he’s feeling?

He definitely uses it to decompress, school is stressful for him, he has dyslexia and we're constantly reminding the school.if their duty to support him properly, even when they do ge definitely feels different to his peers. And yes he us very remorseful afterwards. Thank you, plenty of food for thought.

 

[Don'tlookEthel]

Does reducing the brightness on his screen make any difference? Can you link his device to a larger screen ? Or use an external speaker? The issues may be visual or auditory over- stimulation.
A lot of things are done on a screen these days, it can't be avoided, but little tweaks may help him cope better

Interesting as all generally find the tantrums are less frequent when he's playing something on the TV, it's almost 100% when on the tablet. I'll make these tweaks thank you x

 

[melisnusty]

He definitely uses it to decompress, school is stressful for him, he has dyslexia and we're constantly reminding the school.if their duty to support him properly, even when they do ge definitely feels different to his peers. And yes he us very remorseful afterwards. Thank you, plenty of food for thought.

Maybe he could have 15 minutes decompression time at school before he leaves, not in a lesson but supervised play.

 

[Don'tlookEthel]

Maybe he could have 15 minutes decompression time at school before he leaves, not in a lesson but supervised play.

That's a really interesting thought, I'll percolate on that thank you

 

[Snippysnips]

I'd keep a note on what he's watching/playing an seeing what things he's worse with, I had to look into all this with my neice, her behaviour is atrocious when the screen gets taken away, I found that she was watching all these high stimulation type shows where they are intentionally designed to keep their eyes on the screen, they even test kids an when kids take their eyes away they research into at what point they took their eyes away so that they could "fix" it an keep their eyes on it

A lot of video games are also designed to be high stimulation for the brain, so maybe look into the "cosy" game category, those are designed to be calming an the frame rates aren't as high

Unfortunately when a kid has had so much high stimulation an you suddenly take it away, their brain tries to replace it which causes the behaviour issues

 

[Don'tlookEthel]

Thanks for everyone's suggestions, it's been a week and a half and so far no melt downs, getting him to set his own timer on the alexa, and discussing beforehand how he'll deal with his frustration afterwards has really helped, as soon as he puts the tablet or controller down he puts on his favourite music. After school is harder than weekends, sometimes it's down to sensory overload and needs quiet time first, other times due to being bottled up all day and needing to release and maybe rampaging around the playground first...recognising which is which will have to become my super skill (because he of course won't say what the days been like, or what he's done!) But he has on more than 1 occasion in the last 2 days put the game down before his time is up! I think without the battle of wills it's less attractive.

It's only been a few days really so no chickens are being counted but so far it's been a vast improvement and there's still more suggestions to action, I am incredibly grateful xxxxxxx