Alfie Deyes #6 Engaged, "We're not in any rush for that"

[miam000]

In their defence, I don't get why everyone keeps getting on at them about getting married and having kids. Not everyone gets married

By all means! But what makes it different here is that they’re not two people who have mutually agreed on not marrying. Zoe has made it clear many times throughout her videos that she dreams of getting married and having children, as she’s a very “maternal” person. She has also emphasized more than once that she expects a “ring and a bump” by the time she’s 30 (a wish she’s almost definitely not going to have fulfilled). So it’s not about them not marrying, it’s about him being an asshole who’s leading her on for years constantly being rude and jokey whenever she mentions the topic about which she obviously cares a lot. The best example of this is in a video of them on Alfie’s channel I believe, titled “marriage and children talk” or sth along those lines. She just brushes it off as if it’s not a big deal when you can clearly see it bothers her, she just doesn’t want to put pressure on him.

In a nutshell, absolutely nothing wrong with not getting married, the problem arises when one person is looking forward to it very much and the other is an inconsiderate prick.

 

[eucalyptus]

sorry but being told by a millionaire that everybody has the same amount of hours in the day is complete bullshit.

like yes technically we do, but he has the money to pay for a gardener, a chef, home delivery for anything he buys, someone to come clean the car, someone to organise the logistics of holidays, etc, etc, etc.

if i had enough money to pay someone to do literally anything in my life that i don't feel like doing, that would add so much extra time to my day. so no we don't all have the same amount of hours in the day, because most of us have a big portion of our days taken up by responsibilities that we can't just choose not to do

 

[Supyall]

"Why am I wearing this shit?"

 

[Youtubegossip]

Not sure about you lot but I always carry a bowl around with me incase I need to sit down in an alleyway and eat my crisps

 

[DoreenYadeley]

Have they already been coloured in by their previous owner though?

No they are totally blank, just like their author.

 

[GossWhore]

- 5 sec in and I knew a video recap was needed due to the cringe factor -- "Cooking with Zoe & Alfie" more like "Zoe needs to relaunch her dead blog and we need to rekindle our dead relationship" (He even tried to do it all Emma Chamberlain/Tana Mongeau style)

- Alfie: "Get a big old cabbageeoooh and give it a choparoo" -- Can he not talk like an adult??????
- Alfie: "Theres quite a lot of components to this meal" --- literally VEG

- As I said this cooking segment was all for Zoe "relaunch"
Alfie: "When is the relaunch"?
Zoe: "Hopefully end of this month" (we believe you Zoe lol)

- Alfie: "When I said cooking with Alfie & Zoe. I meant Zoe" --- but it's all about the views..Ammarrite?

-Alfie: **puts oil in pan** "Jamie Oliver if you're watching hope you're proud. Jamie released a new book. If you haven't checked it. Which I haven't. I did message him I'm gonna get one over the weekend" --- How can he tell everyone to get a book he will probably get gifted hence why he hasn't purchased one

- Alfie: I am really getting into cooking
Zoe face [emoji23] like "bitch what"?

- Zoe: It depends on your idea of cooking.
Alfie: You don't cook, but I do
Zoe: **laughs*** You put meat balls in a frying pan
Alfie: Maybe not from scratch. But cooking meals. Like veggies, pasta with chicken..chicken with quinoa and vegetables (In everything he listed the only thing that really entails cooking is chicken and he never seasonal his chicken apart from that ghastly Nando peri peri bs. So NO YOU DON'T COOK)

-Also everything he listed is what everyone learnt at age 18 not fucking 25

- He starts on his bs "30 days of future self" crap
His list was so basic, like a child

Alfie list
- I want to go to bed at 11pm
- I want to wake up at 6.30am
- I want to read more books
- I want to cook more
- I want to work out more: at least 5 hours week
- I want to film more regular videos (ahh the year of "content")

- They made Poppy come round to bring avocado for the taco AND MOST IMPORTANTLY so they don't have to be alone #RelationshipGoalzzz
- Looking at that seasonless veggie taco made me so upset [emoji23]

- Alfie then proceeds to show his adolescent audience the wine he bought and added "Holy shit that's strong" to cement he's an ADUuLT gUYZzzzz

 

[Wowwwwwwwww]

The bit that fucks me off the most is his total lack of ownership and acknowledgement for his failed ventures! Does he think people are as daft as him?

Thread title suggestion:

Fake dentures and failed ventures for Deyes.

 

[DoreenYadeley]

I do honestly think that he thinks he's a catch and women are swooning over him. That's why he's always staring into space trying to be cool and sexy

WHAT ALFIE THINKS HE LOOKS LIKE...

WHAT ALFIE ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE...

 

[booish]

Sean is looking at Zoe with more love and kindness in his eyes than Alfie ever has [emoji849]

 

[Horatio]

Of all the rich, talentless youtubers who got lucky, many of who are pretty delusional about how they got there, Alfie is the worst. His pseudo-motivational monologues about working hard to achieve your dream are frustrating cliched (and yes, conservative) bullshit from someone with no idea how the world works.

But the part that really gets me is when he talks about not “working for someone else” as if that’s the worst thing in the world. Plenty of bosses can be inspiring and motivating to work for and most importantly, can teach you a lot, something he has never known. But even worse it’s condescending as fuck and shows such a lack of thought for other people’s circumstances.

Whenever he spins the myth about chasing a dream I just think, what exactly did you chase? You don’t act, sing, write , direct. It’s literally his teenage boy personality, girlfriend and gleam team that made him rich and that’s nothing to be proud of. It could have been any ‘cute’ British boy in that place at that time.
He’s not good at anything, and because of never having to work a normal job , or indeed work for anyone he will never develop an interesting or mature personality. So it’s not a good thing. Forget future self his current self is totally vapid.

 

[zoelleralphie]

 

[cherry198]

Talk about irrelevant,this proper made me lol

 

[DoreenYadeley]

1. He looks supppper old in this pic Zoe posted on her stories - kinda like a bad oil painting [emoji23]

2. What's his big dream? Create shit merch and avoid marrying Zoe? If so, MISSION COMPLETED!

I can't STAND his insufferable little quotes like he is so so smug and thinks he's some kind of career guru.

Sometimes Alfie, people have to just work shitty jobs because that's all they can get, they haven't got the time to DREAM they're too busy trying to scrape together the minimum wage to feed their families etc.

Ok, I don't have BIG DWEEAMS and GOAWLS but I do have more integrity, self awareness and self respect than you've got in your little finger Alfie.

It baffles me that he is genuinely surprised by the fact that he is loathed by people worldwide.

Why oh why does he think he has any right to lecture people on careers, work, everyday life, goals etc when he can't even function on a day to day basis?

Alfie, if you're reading this you're an INSUFFERABLE. LITTLE. PRICK.

 

[Horatio]

View attachment 41637
It’s hilarious he thinks 6 am is early. He would never hack it in the real world with ANY job than his current one as the idiot with too much free time on his hands and pretending to not be Zoe’s bf.

Ah come on this is getting silly. 6am IS early. It’s not unheard of shocking post it on insta stories early (thanks Alfie you are a brave soldier), but it is objectively earlier than average which has got to be around 7. I feel like people get a bit competitive about what time they get up here. Can we just agree that if it’s before 7 well done it’s early. I don’t think it’s hard for any of us to compete with Alfie on that.

 

[thenomad]

It's sad it took him four months to create whatever that is and that no one is hyped about. Honestly, he missed the opportunity to create a drinking game about himself. I'd reckon a few of us could come up with a better alternative game in minutes compared to Alfie... who took four months for his MS Paint designed card game or whatever that is.

For example: A shot for each time Alfie...

Plays with his kendama
Does a cringey wannabe model pose for his not-merchandise-but-totes-merchandise Future's Elf
Catches flies with his mouth because he's unable to close his mouth (due to massive gnashers)
Makes a post on his personal IG account about Future's Elf
Says "sick", "savage", "boiiii", "bro", oh and double shots for "licherally"
Buys a new toy and then never sees light of day again
Brings supervision along on his date/outings with Zoe
Comes up with another stupid challenge or hack job project only to finish it halfway or another incomplete
Ignores Zoe
Makes heart eyes at Mark, Dianne, the wall, and anyone who is not Zoe
Triple shots for another successful year he manages to not propose

And it can be titled The Alfred Sidney Deyes Drinking Game: The Tory Edition

 

[Youtubegossip]

Can’t stand Zoe but she deserves better than this fuckwit..
Just seen Sean’s latest video and it’s titled ‘WITH THE BOYS’ like they are some savage little gang.
Also how does Sean manage to look like an old man and a young boy all at the same time.

These boyzzzz are living on the fucking edge eating spicy nuggets with no dip. And cleansing their pallets in between. They are proper middle class wankers trying to be street.

Their new word is ‘bang’
‘Shall we bang these together’
‘That bangs’

Completely missed the point of a mukbang and just sat talking on and on and on about a nugget. More like a McDonald’s ad.

 

[Oohthedrama]

As a lefty........
Alfie, do kindly fuck off
I can assure everyone who may be worried, I didn’t end up phoning my therapist because a childhood of playing with “right handed cards” triggered a depressive episode.

Get me a lefty can opener, fountain pen, scissors I’m all over it!
Lefty playing cards is like lefty toilet rolls 🤷‍

 

[Dan_THFC]

View attachment 41411
Just post the usual crap you always post, because I'm sure you can't think of anything mind blowing

Zoe:

 

[Youtubegossip]

Thread title: joes Suggs, sister’s boyfriend/housemate

 

[Dr Marten]

I think ‘Alfie Deyes #7: Joe Sugg’s sister’s boyfriend’ is perfection in itself.