Alfie Deyes #2 Dull Adventures With His Dubai Dentures

[StephenTJackson]

He’s made his New Year’s Resolutions and I’m pretty sure he reads here because he must trolling us with these.

1. He wants to care less about what he wears, more mismatched and weird clothes. Personally thought he’d been doing that for years. Also says care less about how he looks good job those veneers came in 2018.

2. Wants to get ripped for Summer. I nearly died laughing. He’s been saying he wants to get ripped for about 3 years, has a home gym and PT and still just looks flabby. No tone or definition. Joe doing Strictly, even Mark doing a bit of gym stuff last year have shown way more progress in a short time. But he can’t start working out hard now because it’s January and it’s too cold. Should’ve put a normal door on the side of the garage to close it and keep the elements out the garage when working out.

3. Wants to appreciate mundane things more, like paying for parking with your phone. GET A bleeping LIFE ALFIE!

At breakfast with Zoe and Soppy, Alfie says he never makes bacon sandwiches because he isn’t very good at them. The easiest thing in world to make. Incompetent fool.

He’s lost his house key, doesn’t have a spare. Hope somebody finds it and steals all their overpriced stuff because the one inept security guy from their “licherally insane” security company doesn’t send the entire police force of Brighton and Hove to their house.

Then the most insane Chinese food order for four people. It was ridiculous!

The beer and slackline appeared, Zoe swore on the next day and they gave each other resolutions which I got bored of listening to and switched off.

I definitely missed stuff from the vlog because I got a bit skip happy.

 

[thenomad]

He’s made his New Year’s Resolutions and I’m pretty sure he reads here because he must trolling us with these.

2. Wants to get ripped for Summer. I nearly died laughing. He’s been saying he wants to get ripped for about 3 years, has a home gym and PT and still just looks flabby. No tone or definition. Joe doing Strictly, even Mark doing a bit of gym stuff last year have shown way more progress in a short time. But he can’t start working out hard now because it’s January and it’s too cold. Should’ve put a normal door on the side of the garage to close it and keep the elements out the garage when working out.

You know I'll believe it when I see it. Until then his dreams of getting ripped are never going to happen. It'll be like his past ideas he's spewed out only for it to never have any follow through. See exhibit: Alfie's entire useless life. His 'goals' will be collecting dust in storage like those expensive dolls he bought and never used.

Alfie having to put in actual work to get the body of his dreams? Which means first and foremost eating clean and you know that's not happening as long as he lives with Zoe. Speaking of which, who is slowly killing herself with the amount of cheese and sweets she consumes and her only vegetable intake being mashed potatoes--seriously her cholesterol levels are going to be insane when she's older.

How hard is it to install a door on the side of the garage? Or I'm sure there are plenty of gyms in Brighton. Gyms aren't a novel concept. He has the time and the money... If you have to make so many excuses as to why you haven't started on your goal of getting shredded yet... Well I guess he still has 11.5 months to go.

Love that none of his goals have to do with his relationship with Zoe at all. Especially since this is the year in which Zoe is demanding expecting an engagement before the big 3-0. Couple goals!

 

[Yel]

3. Wants to appreciate mundane things more, like paying for parking with your phone.

Was that his example of things to appreciate?

2. Wants to get ripped for Summer. I nearly died laughing. He’s been saying he wants to get ripped for about 3 years

He's had trainers for at least that long! He can't even bothered to use his guarage because it's too cold I don't think he's got the dedication to ever make any progress.

Another mind expanding year for him

It's like he's given up on this "company", where are the big projects he's been working on for years? The apps in development? He achieved nothing professionally or personally last year.

 

[StephenTJackson]

Was that his example of things to appreciate?

He's had trainers for at least that long! He can't even bothered to use his guarage because it's too cold I don't think he's got the dedication to ever make any progress.

Another mind expanding year for him

It's like he's given up on this "company", where are the big projects he's been working on for years? The apps in development? He achieved nothing professionally or personally last year.

Yes, that was his example of a mundane thing to appreciate.

Alfie has no dedication to anything except his inherent laziness.

The company is a waste of time, it’s taken a year to put that website together, even though it is so basic. He has no projects, he just talks tit

 

[Vickatosis]

Too cold to work out in the garage ??? Put on a hoodie and get on with it!
People jog outside in this weather....

*Builds home gym* *Unusable in winter*

What a prat.

 

[GossWhore]

- "How crazy is it that you could be born in 2001 and be out in the clubbing"
- He lost his house key and hasn't bothered replacing it yet
- New Year Resolution:
* Want to clash my clothes more and not care what I wear (Alfie you always look like tit so mission accomplished)
* Want to get ripped. But in Summer (It's been like 3 years give it up)
* He had 2 more but he forgot (Great start to 2019)
* Another resolution: Appreciate more mundane things (made that up on the way to meet Soppy and Zoe for food)
- Insta storied his bacon sandwich
- They are so bored they raced in cars to Alfie parents to see who could get Buzz first
- Later they ordered a Chinese: 2 prawn toast, 2 chicken chow meins, 2 special fried rice, 2 egg fried rice, 3 veg spring rolls, 2 curry sauces, 1 sweet & sour sauce, 1 portion of chips, 3 chicken satay, 1 shredded chilli beef, 1 half duck, 1 sweet & sour king prawn Hong Kong style, 1 courgette black bean sauce, 1 crispy lemon chicken and 1 seaweed -- FOR FOUR PEOPLE!!!! HOW DISGUSTING!!!!

- Zoe bought Alfie an indoor slackline for about £350 -- how long before this is forgotten like the Grand piano??

- He put some sensei music as he was using the slackline. I'm dying [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

- "You can listen to my new video. Like a podcast but uploaded on YouTube" -- So NOT a podcast

- Alfie still cutting off Zoe when she talks. She did not look impressed. From 24:20 he interrupts then she plays with her phone annoyed until Alfie talks about something Zoe enjoys

- Alfie gave Zoe 2 New Year Resolution: Put her shoes at the door instead of leaving them anywhere, Zoe to blow out candles herself
- Zoe gave Alfie 2 New Resolution: Keep bedside table clear, Put plate in dishwasher than sink
- Then they basically started arguing about bs

 

[Alightened]

He's honestly like a bloody 13 year old. He's never grown up, but thinks he's the dog's bollocks. I think he compares himself to Richard Branson, Alan Sugar or some other entrepreneur ????

 

[EmCheese]

Thanks Gosswhore for enduring that for us all as always ??

That’s so funny when he interrupts her and she is visibly pissed off. You can see him looking at her face waiting for her to get out of the strop ? tbh though, I kinda get why he cuts her off. Every story she tells is so boring and drawn out and it’s like GET TO THE POINT WOMAN

 

[cuzisayso]

Too cold to work out in the garage [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23] Put on a hoodie and get on with it!
People jog outside in this weather....

*Builds home gym* *Unusable in winter*

What a prat.

I could’ve sworn he bought 2 space heaters last year for that whole reason?!?!
Did he let them rust outside or throw them out already?? Or he just making excuses to not work out?
Cause I’d believe all the above

 

[Alightened]

He's a prat, no commitment, no get up and go, he's sadly taken on all of Zoe's lazy, can't be half arsed ways. Albeit, he's a lazy spoilt brat himself (along with his boring, moody, I deserve better sister). They've made their money now, so they'll never ever appreciate how the other half lives. He's like a little spoilt brat and he makes me so angry. I'd like to really see him live on £1 per day. The tosspot????

 

[Oohthedrama]

I’m watching joes vlog right now while reading @GossWhore ’s recap and Jesus Christ.
Joe isn’t the most mature guy on YouTube. He can be annoying and childish but i think most people know it’s an act more than anything with him, at times anyway.

The stark contrast between Alfie who is the most immature little tit acting like he’s an experienced adult who’s lived a thrilling life and had experiences worth sharing online.

I usually say I “almost” feel sorry for him and Zoe but I full on feel sorry for how miserable and deluded they are.

 

[iLoveMeSomeCanoles]

He achieved nothing professionally or personally last year.

How could you forget the sand-covered snail?!

 

[Yel]

The problem with having such good recaps is it makes me watch the video!

Could their insurance be invalid if they are just using the Yale lock and not double locking? I've been broken into with doing that as apparently it's very easy to use a credit card to open. Stupid that he's giving away security details.

At some point he's going to workout hard and get ripped? Does he think its like doing a big clean on the house and can be done in an afternoon?

 

[thenomad]

He wants to get ripped for the summer but since it's January and it's too cold, he's not going to start working out yet... Does this moron think before he speaks? Ever?! I mean yes, Joe got fairly ripped in the three months he was on Strictly BUT that also came with a grueling dance schedule that became his full-time job (several hours a day, 4-5x a week). Like when have we ever seen Alfie put that kind of dedication towards anything and for a long period of time... That's right, never.

He's had a PT for this long and he still doesn't understand the fundamentals of how exercise and eating well contributes to a better body. I honestly think he believes he will get ripped within a month or two before summer. I mean look at how much junk he ate in his latest vlog. So far all the work outs he's been doing is so he can consume more crap instead of towards building a muscular (ripped) profile.

The delusion and sheer lack of knowledge between Alfie and Zoe is just astounding and I cannot believe these two are in their twenties. Watching this 30+ min vlog from Alfie was a chore. When those two started bickering over their New Year's resolution... Look I'm not a therapist but from what I've seen with these two, they need to step up on their therapy (and not by Skype which clearly is not working out) or go their separate ways. At this point in their relationship, the goals should be towards the next chapter/stage of their life instead of picking out shallow New Year's resolution for each other. First, they need to work on communication and respect bc it's lacking severely. Too much of their relationship has been taken over by materialistic things that they've lost sight on the direction of their relationship. The tension in the car when they were discussing their resolutions for each other was palpable.

Lastly, if taking out Nala for potty breaks and walking her is too much for them to handle they really shouldn't have gotten a dog. Dogs are a commitment and not just something cute to look at and play dress up with. They are dependent on their owners to care for them. Nothing pisses me off more as a pet owner to see such neglect from these two, who have the time and the means to give their pets a very fulfilling and enriched life but won't due to laziness. I mean Alfie's mentioned in the past of wanting a bigger dog, which is laughable considering large breed dogs tend to be more active than a pug. It sounds like a nice idea but in reality it requires more work, which these two can't handle since getting dressed decently is considered too much of an effort (such a dumb resolution Alfie made for himself imo).

Also, it takes like a few minutes to get a copy of a key made at the hardware store. Like what have these two been doing that they don't have a few minutes to spare to get even that done... ?

 

[moimoi]

Zoe went full on mum mode with Alfie and him putting stuff in the sink. Actual real anger. ?

 

[GossWhore]

He looks like an idiot

 

[Yel]

Yep it's cringe, his posing as if he's some award winning filmmaker. You know they spent a while trying to get this "sick" photo.

He's dire at modeling and it's shameful the engagement baiting he does on Instagram.

 

[Youtubegossip]

That picture makes me think he’s trying to be like his mate Steve? Think it’s the hat

 

[jammy]

Better blow them candles out at bedtime!

 

[emmer_moans]

Yep it's cringe, his posing as if he's some award winning filmmaker. You know they spent a while trying to get this "sick" photo.
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He's dire at modeling and it's shameful the engagement baiting he does on Instagram.

My initial thought was 'prepping for a jewellery heist'