Alcohol Abuse and Domestic Violence

[Abcd123]

Last week my partner hit me in the face.

He is quite a heavy drinker? Not every day but most days he'll have 2 or 3 cans of beer. On his night off he might have 10 pints.

He had what I can only describe as an episode. He'd drank heavily didn't know where he was was taking jibberish. Didn't fully know who I was. Then about 2hrs later was more coherent.

Has anyone experienced this? And stayed in the relationship? I always thought that if he ever hurt me that would be my final straw but it's like he's jekyll and Hyde and it wasn't him that hit me but the other monster. He's such a loving partner and father? Really hands on with our 3 children and we are the best of friends and have a solid marriage.

 

[Begborrowsteal]

Whether you stay together or not, he needs to see the problem himself and get help.

You also need to find some support for navigating this. Its easy to say you should leave, but its never that clear cut when youre in the thick of it. (Though, with violence, you should remove yourself)

 

[Tublet83]

Hi I would leave and take the children with me, easy for me to say. But it could be them next after a few pints. By staying you are saying it’s acceptable, and you need to put your children first and make him get professional help before considering considering having in the family home again xxx

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Last week my partner hit me in the face.

He is quite a heavy drinker? Not every day but most days he'll have 2 or 3 cans of beer. On his night off he might have 10 pints.

He had what I can only describe as an episode. He'd drank heavily didn't know where he was was taking jibberish. Didn't fully know who I was. Then about 2hrs later was more coherent.

Has anyone experienced this? And stayed in the relationship? I always thought that if he ever hurt me that would be my final straw but it's like he's jekyll and Hyde and it wasn't him that hit me but the other monster. He's such a loving partner and father? Really hands on with our 3 children and we are the best of friends and have a solid marriage.

What has he said about what happened - can he remember it? If he couldn’t, what was his reaction when you told him? If he could, how was he (was he horrified/swore he’d never drink again?)

Could he have taken something other than alcohol?

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Last week my partner hit me in the face.

He is quite a heavy drinker? Not every day but most days he'll have 2 or 3 cans of beer. On his night off he might have 10 pints.

He had what I can only describe as an episode. He'd drank heavily didn't know where he was was taking jibberish. Didn't fully know who I was. Then about 2hrs later was more coherent.

Has anyone experienced this? And stayed in the relationship? I always thought that if he ever hurt me that would be my final straw but it's like he's jekyll and Hyde and it wasn't him that hit me but the other monster. He's such a loving partner and father? Really hands on with our 3 children and we are the best of friends and have a solid marriage.

This is only going to get worse. He’s clearly an alcoholic, his drinking is excessive. The violence will not be just a one off and it WILL get worse. Take off the rose tinted glasses and see this situation for what it really is; he’s an abusive alcoholic.

 

[Abcd123]

What has he said about what happened - can he remember it? If he couldn’t, what was his reaction when you told him? If he could, how was he (was he horrified/swore he’d never drink again?)

Could he have taken something other than alcohol?

He can't remember it no. He's horrified. I did wonder if he had been spiked but he wouldn't go and get tested and he said there's no excuse for it. He believes it was just drink? Nothing else. I've asked him to stay at a friend's for a few nights to give me space. And to make him realise what he's got to lose.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

He can't remember it no. He's horrified. I did wonder if he had been spiked but he wouldn't go and get tested and he said there's no excuse for it. He believes it was just drink? Nothing else. I've asked him to stay at a friend's for a few nights to give me space. And to make him realise what he's got to lose.

He hasn’t had his drink spiked. He’s an alcoholic. He’s got an addiction to alcohol. He was abusive to you - and the fact that he claims he can’t remember doing so is neither here nor there. This isn’t going to magically get better - he needs to go into a rehab program to get clean from drinking and you need to get him out of the house - he’s not safe to be around you or your children.

 

[LennyBriscoe]

He can't remember it no. He's horrified. I did wonder if he had been spiked but he wouldn't go and get tested and he said there's no excuse for it. He believes it was just drink? Nothing else. I've asked him to stay at a friend's for a few nights to give me space. And to make him realise what he's got to lose.

I’m a recovering alcoholic so coming at it from that angle, it’s worrying that he’s blacking out and unable to remember anything. But when you add in something as out of character as assault then this *should* be a massive wake up call. I say should because my first black out was by no means my last drink.

What may make a difference is what he does from here. Alcoholism is an illness that tells you you don’t have it - as in, your head will tell you that it’ll be fine, this time will be different. That’s not true for an alcoholic. It’s a physical allergy too and once you take one drink, your body will physically crave more. “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting different results” - he might have a few drinks and believe it’ll be fine but if he’s alcoholic, that won’t be the case. I can’t drink in safety, therefore I totally abstain.

I don’t know what to suggest about where you go from here but if it was me, I’d be printing out information on AA and meetings in your area. Assaulting you is massive and he clearly has no control over what he’s capable of with a drink and that is scary.

 

[Tublet83]

He can't remember it no. He's horrified. I did wonder if he had been spiked but he wouldn't go and get tested and he said there's no excuse for it. He believes it was just drink? Nothing else. I've asked him to stay at a friend's for a few nights to give me space. And to make him realise what he's got to lose.

Well done on asking him to leave, that’s a big step you have done the right thing x

 

[BettyCrockerr]

How are things now @Abcd123

 

[Abcd123]

How are things now @Abcd123

Thank you for asking. He's hasn't drank alcohol since. And we've figured out that it was a reaction to some meds he was taking (on researching, hallucinations are a side effect when alcohol is consumed).

I spoke to a councillor that ive seen before and she agreed thst he'd been spiked or it's the meds and that as its never happened before give him the benefit of the doubt but work with him to cut down on his drinking regardless...