AITA - Family.

[Tallieban]

Over the last 5 weeks my mother has been in and out of hospital 3 times, she had lost nearly 3 stone for no reason, she’s deaf so I with her each time, she hadn’t long been out of hospital, and my father has a fall at home and gets taken to a&e (my parents are in their 70’s, my father has limited mobility) while there he tested positive for covid, he went in over night so was too late for me to go with him (children in bed).
My brother (almost 40) lives with my parents (never moved out) he has no children or partner, I’m younger than him (irrelevant) married and have 4 children under 10 and he messaged me to tell me, not ask, that I’m going to have to help my dad back and forth to the toilet on the weekend as he has to go to work.
We do have another brother but he works very long days, self employed and we’re not particularly close, none of us, actually.

I haven’t replied to the message because I’m not sure I can come across as anything other than passive aggressive but I feel like he’s taking the piss telling me what I should do, there is covid in their home and the last thing I want is my children unwell over Christmas!

 

[Randy Marsh]

Say no. If you agree to this, you'll end up being expected to do more - it won't just be the weekend.

 

[katyazamo]

I don't see this as your brother "telling" you what to do - someone needs to step in and be there for your father. If your brother is out at work during the day, then alternative arrangements need to be made. Take precautions around covid, wear gloves/mask/visor if necessary, keep on top of hand washing and so on. But what else can be done here? Is your father to be left on his own without any help? I don't quite understand.

Both your parents sound like they've gone through a lot lately. It doesn't really matter that you and your siblings aren't particularly close, that's life in all honesty, but there are times when you need to put your differences and issues aside and give your parents the support they need.

 

[Tunacanoe]

If both your parents have health problems is there home help support available that you could apply for to somewhat help?

 

[kittymeowlondon]

Soz just need some advice

AITA Needing to shower

any advice welcome
Do not intend to take any action but I do need to shower.
Parents move in lodger as have always done and he has an ensuite with the only shower in the house and is a mature student.
I am the only one working in the house - parents are OAPs, he is a mature student.
I am also epileptic so cannot have baths. Lodger has had to call ambulance as I wasnt coming round from a series of seizures but I had taken myself to the toilet stall and was found on the floor.
I only take a shower once a week or the day before i go into work and when he is out the house and I clean it afterwards.
Lodger has given talk in front of myself and parents saying I can no longer use the shower as it is his 'sacred space.'
To which i replied I am sorry repeatedly for using the shower and my parents agreed I would not use it anymore.
I pay the exact same rent as him for a much smaller room with no en suite. I also have always bought my own groceries/covered all bills and make food for us too. He hasn't even made a cup of tea for any of us.
He has autism and adhd and a history of addiction so is very precise with cleaning but I am a clean individual too just not to his standards. He wouldn't let our weekly cleaner near his room.
He is often rude to me and makes cutting remarks to me when they are away which is often.
AITA for asking if I may use the shower when he is out or I have work the next day?

 

[chickhicks86]

Soz just need some advice

AITA Needing to shower

any advice welcome
Do not intend to take any action but I do need to shower.
Parents move in lodger as have always done and he has an ensuite with the only shower in the house and is a mature student.
I am the only one working in the house - parents are OAPs, he is a mature student.
I am also epileptic so cannot have baths. Lodger has had to call ambulance as I wasnt coming round from a series of seizures but I had taken myself to the toilet stall and was found on the floor.
I only take a shower once a week or the day before i go into work and when he is out the house and I clean it afterwards.
Lodger has given talk in front of myself and parents saying I can no longer use the shower as it is his 'sacred space.'
To which i replied I am sorry repeatedly for using the shower and my parents agreed I would not use it anymore.
I pay the exact same rent as him for a much smaller room with no en suite. I also have always bought my own groceries/covered all bills and make food for us too. He hasn't even made a cup of tea for any of us.
He has autism and adhd and a history of addiction so is very precise with cleaning but I am a clean individual too just not to his standards. He wouldn't let our weekly cleaner near his room.
He is often rude to me and makes cutting remarks to me when they are away which is often.
AITA for asking if I may use the shower when he is out or I have work the next day?

I guess it all depends what was originally agreed when he moved in? Was he promised sole use of the shower? I can understand why he feels his space is being invaded if this is the case - presumably if it is an ensuite then you have to also go into his bedroom to access it? Could you install a shower tap over the bath in the other bathroom?

 

[Ivegone]

Nope nope and nope you will be expected to do everything if you do don't do it brother clearly doesn't care you have plenty to deal with already can you get in touch with social services

 

[Django]

Soz just need some advice

AITA Needing to shower

any advice welcome
Do not intend to take any action but I do need to shower.
Parents move in lodger as have always done and he has an ensuite with the only shower in the house and is a mature student.
I am the only one working in the house - parents are OAPs, he is a mature student.
I am also epileptic so cannot have baths. Lodger has had to call ambulance as I wasnt coming round from a series of seizures but I had taken myself to the toilet stall and was found on the floor.
I only take a shower once a week or the day before i go into work and when he is out the house and I clean it afterwards.
Lodger has given talk in front of myself and parents saying I can no longer use the shower as it is his 'sacred space.'
To which i replied I am sorry repeatedly for using the shower and my parents agreed I would not use it anymore.
I pay the exact same rent as him for a much smaller room with no en suite. I also have always bought my own groceries/covered all bills and make food for us too. He hasn't even made a cup of tea for any of us.
He has autism and adhd and a history of addiction so is very precise with cleaning but I am a clean individual too just not to his standards. He wouldn't let our weekly cleaner near his room.
He is often rude to me and makes cutting remarks to me when they are away which is often.
AITA for asking if I may use the shower when he is out or I have work the next day?

I'm concerned that you only shower once a week, your parents are employing a cleaner (whilst not working) and that you have a toilet 'stall' in the house. Where are your parents going as I think that you need to talk to them at the situation. You only seem to work one day a week so this whole post sounds a bit whiffy

 

[kittymeowlondon]

I'm concerned that you only shower once a week, your parents are employing a cleaner (whilst not working) and that you have a toilet 'stall' in the house. Where are your parents going as I think that you need to talk to them at the situation. You only seem to work one day a week so this whole post sounds a bit whiffy

i work full time but have avoided going in to the office due to the iffy shower situation