Hi everyone,
This is my first thread but I've posted on here quite a few times. I've decided to choose this forum over anywhere else to post this because I feel more open with the anonymity.
So I'm 19 and female, and have been extremely confused about my sexuality since the age of 12. For about 4 years, I thought/convinced myself I was a lesbian as I was too intimidated by boys at school and found myself looking more at girls than boys. At age 16, when I went to college, I developed a huge crush on a particular boy but he soon came out as gay so I knew I didn't stand a chance at developing a romantic relationship with him. Then, at age 18, I went to university and suddenly started looking more at boys than girls. Then I developed a huge crush on a female friend. As you can tell already, this already is one big mess I ended up asking her on a date, which she politely declined as she didn't like me in that way. So I moved on, and eventually started going clubbing. I thought "Great, now I can finally see what I am." I ended up kissing quite a few guys over the course of a few months and I didn't feel disgusted or anything. I just felt nothing. Then I tried kissing a girl and felt the same. Nothing.
I know I'm not asexual (someone who experiences no sexual attraction/desire) as I definitely have desires etc. I've still not had sex or got past kissing. I feel so behind and scared. I've come out as bisexual because of what I've felt in the past. I just don't know anymore...I feel so lost and confused. I've always had a dream of getting married and having children, I've always wanted that. I just don't know whether I am really gay, or I just am actually bisexual and need to stop worrying. I don't dare get with a guy in case I end up sleeping with him and hating it (although the thought of it is desirable to me) because that would be so hurtful to him
Don't laugh but I've also considered seeing a male escort, because then, no one is gonna get hurt? Has anyone else had this? I feel like 7 years is way too long for me to still be unsure. I'm still at university and I know I have my whole life ahead of me but I'm so stressed out. I feel so different to all my friends, no matter whether they're straight, gay or bi, because they've got it all figured out (or so it seems).
Sorry for the long rant, and thanks for taking the time to read all this mess
This is my first thread but I've posted on here quite a few times. I've decided to choose this forum over anywhere else to post this because I feel more open with the anonymity.
So I'm 19 and female, and have been extremely confused about my sexuality since the age of 12. For about 4 years, I thought/convinced myself I was a lesbian as I was too intimidated by boys at school and found myself looking more at girls than boys. At age 16, when I went to college, I developed a huge crush on a particular boy but he soon came out as gay so I knew I didn't stand a chance at developing a romantic relationship with him. Then, at age 18, I went to university and suddenly started looking more at boys than girls. Then I developed a huge crush on a female friend. As you can tell already, this already is one big mess
I know I'm not asexual (someone who experiences no sexual attraction/desire) as I definitely have desires etc. I've still not had sex or got past kissing. I feel so behind and scared. I've come out as bisexual because of what I've felt in the past. I just don't know anymore...I feel so lost and confused. I've always had a dream of getting married and having children, I've always wanted that. I just don't know whether I am really gay, or I just am actually bisexual and need to stop worrying. I don't dare get with a guy in case I end up sleeping with him and hating it (although the thought of it is desirable to me) because that would be so hurtful to him
Don't laugh but I've also considered seeing a male escort, because then, no one is gonna get hurt? Has anyone else had this? I feel like 7 years is way too long for me to still be unsure. I'm still at university and I know I have my whole life ahead of me but I'm so stressed out. I feel so different to all my friends, no matter whether they're straight, gay or bi, because they've got it all figured out (or so it seems).
Sorry for the long rant, and thanks for taking the time to read all this mess