Adoption...thinking about it...

[Definitelyme]

I haven’t done it, but come from a family with an adopted sibling.

I would say be very, very sure that you can handle the potential disruption to your family. My sibling was not an easy child and caused immense problems and upheaval in family life. With your kids so young still, would you be willing to have to potentially put them in second place at times to meet the needs of a new family member? Of course not all kids will come with huge problems like that, but it’s just something to be aware of.

 

[Emma_emma]

Make sure you do loads of research around trauma and attachment difficulties etc. Therapeutic parenting is what traumatised children need

 

[Esbeepea]

I've had a quick search and can't see a post for this but please point me in the right direction if I've missed it.
We have two young children (3 and 7) and are definitely done in terms of babies but I have been having thoughts recently about giving a child in need a home and family. I just wondered if anyone had any experience / advice. We both work full-time so I'm not sure it would even be an option for us (as I said we're very much at the early stage of just thinking about it) but I'd like to explore our options at least. Thoughts / advice please...

 

[skintsocks]

I was adopted. I don't think Social Services/Children Society got it right in my case, and some of the things they wrote about me and my potential as an infant were just ridiculous, as they based it on my biological parents and their lifestyle. I am nothing like them. During lockdown I found out they had both died and I think it has changed me. As an adult though, I have friends who adopted a child the same age as my daughter, they were best friends from 3 to 18 yrs, and it genuinely changed her life. I'll keep an eye on this thread, and if I can give you an insight from either side, I will. I think you are absolutely wonderful for considering it.

 

[Swipeuplikeandshare]

I haven’t adopted but close friends have and it has been a rough six years - issues with the birth family etc BUT the child is the most loved wee angel who is worth every solitary tear they have shed. I would just say a lot of research - good luck xxx

 

[blossombloss]

Following because this is something I'm considering, although haven't even started to have any children yet!

 

[Bug123456789]

I work in the foster care system if you have any specific questions you would like answered/ general advice

 

[HeatherSan]

It is certainly a very commendable decision that you want to give a house and family to someone who needs it.

Nevertheless, it is important to understand that an adopted child is not always easy. We adopted a boy whose own mother was a drug addict, and we knew about it in advance. Our adoption agency gave us comprehensive information about all the problems that may arise, but they wanted to help this boy. A year ago, Michael entered medical college, he is going to become a doctor helping to fight drug addiction, and we are incredibly proud of him. Once again, I am convinced that it was the correct decision in our lives despite the difficulties.

 

[cheapwetham]

My husband and I are also considering adoption we don't have any of our own kids though.

I'm finding it an impossible decision though, I worry that people will assume that adoption was just a second choice to us because we can't have our own (this may or may not be true, I had a very early miscarriage last August so who knows) and for some reason it really bothers me because I wouldn't want a child to feel like they were the next best thing.

I also have anxiety, which I don't think would affect me in terms of parenting, but not knowing much about the process or training etc makes me nervous (training role plays in particular bring me out in a cold sweat!)

Sorry to elbow my way in but it's good to see someone else considering it x

 

[HeatherSan]

It is certainly a very commendable decision that you want to give a house and family to someone who needs it.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Family friends have just done it.. Sounds like insanely hard work now that the child’s here but the process wasn’t too bad for them.

 

[Emsie]

My friend has just been approved and has now been matched with a baby. It was something me and my hubby considered after years of ttc.
It's intense. At least six months of assessments, digging into your childhood, your beliefs, your parenting style. Raising an adopted child is way different to raising your own. Get in touch with your local council I am sure they will have heaps of advice. Good luck x

 

[Carly29]

Hi, wondering if anyone has anymore info since OP originally posted. I can’t have children but it’s my biggest want to have a family so have always wanted to adopt and have looked in great detail. The only concern I have is that a few years ago I had serious involvement with mental health services due to childhood trauma. I’m just scared that past misdiagnoses, and current medication would be used against me? I’ve read threads on other sites saying it’s possible and wouldn’t be a problem but reading that couples with perfectly ‘stable’ backgrounds have struggled has worried me. My life is very stable and I look after multiple children that I used to babysit and are now like adopted nieces and nephews, etc that stay for overnights. Would that help my case? I know it won’t be easy regardless but would just love to hear if it’s worth my hopes to apply? Thanks

 

[Bigbird2]

I've had a quick search and can't see a post for this but please point me in the right direction if I've missed it.
We have two young children (3 and 7) and are definitely done in terms of babies but I have been having thoughts recently about giving a child in need a home and family. I just wondered if anyone had any experience / advice. We both work full-time so I'm not sure it would even be an option for us (as I said we're very much at the early stage of just thinking about it) but I'd like to explore our options at least. Thoughts / advice please...

My husband and I are being assessed as adoptive parents but also I work with adoptive parents.

Firstly, your local authority will offer information days and prep groups. These are being done online just now so you can find out a bit more about adoption before you submit your application. You need to be prepared to not work for at least six months. SW are very cautious about parents who have biological children adopting. You are parenting a child who has suffered adverse childhood experiences. It’s very diff to parenting your own children. You have to think about how your own children will accept a new child, bonding etc. But if it works out it will prob be one of the most rewarding things you have ever done !!

 

[Curious_Cat]

Sorry to post on here but this is the closest related topic and I can't start my own thread. I'm about to embark on the Step-Parent Adoption process... I've read absolutely all the information online, but really I wanted to to see if I could find anyone else who has been through it? Nice to hear from others who have walked in your shoes. I will very soon be applying to adopt my step-son (though I've been calling him my son for years). He has zero contact with his birth mother, his father raised him single-handedly from an early age and I've lived with him for almost 5 years and now married his dad... Thank you for any advice or info anyone can share!