Abortion... How to go through with it? 😥

[2020two]

Not sure if this is the best place for advice but I really don't want to talk about this with friends/family right now.

Anyone who knows me on here will know I'm a single parent to 1 year old twins after fertility issues and miscarriages. I have recently started dating someone new and it's been very lovely - we both have fertility issues and it's way too early to be discussing children (he has not met mine yet) and rather embarrassingly despite our combined issues AND contraception I find myself pregnant.

I know I can't have a baby. It doesn't feel fair on my very young children who wouldn't even be two when it's due, I finally feel able to get my career going again and honesty after birth trauma/PTSD I don't know if I could ever do the baby thing again. I'm still up twice a night with the twins... I can't imagine doing this again. He said he would support me either way and it was my decision but that it's not the right time for him. I made a very quick decision and said yes I don't want a baby. Which is true, I don't. But I don't want to kill one either

I'm not daft I know it's only a clump of cells right now but every time I think of terminating it I'm flooded with tears. I've lost babies and here I am killing one. I have an appointment booked but I don't feel ready, but delaying it makes it so much worse. It's so unfair that I did everything right to avoid falling pregnant and here I am, I can't bare that I have to do this if anyone has any words of wisdom or advice I would be so grateful.

 

[Tree_]

Really feeling for you hun. Is there any councelling available to help you make this choice. You are the most important factor here xxx

 

[skvallertant]

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. I don't know where you're based, but in the UK at least there are lots of free advisory services who will talk to you about how you're feeling. A quick Google of "abortion advice" came up with lots of them. Obviously I'm not qualified to give advice, but you have nothing to feel guilty about at all, and it sounds like you're going through a lot at the moment and it sounds like you're in shock, I really hope you feel better soon.

 

[moimoi]

Sorry you’re going through this. In September I found myself pregnant unexpectedly and can fully empathise with you and your emotions right now.

I rang Marie Stopes to arrange an abortion and got the pills, I didn’t end up taking them in the end and now 33 weeks, but they were absolutely fantastic. I had three counselling sessions for free (they were happy to offer as many as I needed) to help make my decision and they were completely supportive either way. I’d really recommend giving them a call for advice and support.

 

[Definitelyme]

I’m sorry, I don’t have anything to help you out but I’m so sorry for the awful situation you’ve found yourself in. Be very kind to yourself, and don’t expect too much of your emotions, this must be an awful time for you. X

 

[37BBL]

Just wanted to say I feel for you and totally understand your reasoning. X

 

[royray]

It sounds as if you're having a really difficult time right now and need some support. Women can have completely different and conflicting feelings about abortion and that is totally normal and ok, don't beat yourself up about it, it is really really difficult to make these kinds of decisions. There is no right or wrong decision to make. Whatever you decide has to be the right thing for you and your family, so please don't feel pressure from others, only you know what's best for you. Please go speak to your GP, local women's health services or an advice service like these ones https://www.bpas.org/abortion-care/considering-abortion/advice-and-counselling/ or https://www.msichoices.org.uk/other-services/counselling/ for some counselling and to speak to someone impartial and who has no bias. Talking things through can be very helpful. Sending you lots of love and support

 

[BustySinclair]

I had one a few years ago aged 19. Rang marie stopes & arranged an appointment whic was in West London. Was terrified about the whole thing so had a surgical abortion (vacuum) under general anaesthetic. If you want to message me please feel free, it’s been nearly 8 years so have felt every emotion under the sun about it xxx

 

[skvallertant]

I had one a few years ago aged 19. Rang marie stopes & arranged an appointment whic was in West London. Was terrified about the whole thing so had a surgical abortion (vacuum) under general anaesthetic. If you want to message me please feel free, it’s been nearly 8 years so have felt every emotion under the sun about it xxx

Just to add to this, I had a medical abortion about 9 years ago, so feel free to message me too if you take that route.

ETA. I hope you feel somewhat supported and heard from the replies on this thread. I've felt quite emotional reading this thread and I'm sure I'm not alone in saying that we're thinking of you and support you.

 

[Georgethecat]

I agree with seeking counselling, I had a termination when I was younger, knew it was the right decision for me at that time , however I really didn't process it at all. I think I would have benefited from someone impartial to speak to, it must be so conflicting after experiencing fertility issues. Only you can decide what is right for you and you can change your mind if you want. I don't regret my decision but it made me aware that I did definitely want children one day, which I went on to have in a better situation. I had the pills which I took at home and honestly at the time the only thing I felt was relief, the year after it was hard though and there were a lot of emotions I didn't really know how to process.

 

[judgejohndeed]

@2020two I have no advice at all but just wanted to say I'm so sorry you're in this position, you really cannot catch a break atm and I'm just sorry that life seems to be giving you such a hard time. You don't deserve it. I hope you work something out. <3

 

[Chickenandgravy]

I had one in 2019, medical abortion.

As other people have said, make sure you take full advantage of the counciling sessions. I didn't and even though it was the right thing for me to do at the time I struggled with the guilt. I'm pregnant again and for the first few weeks I just sat and beat myself up thinking I didn't deserve another baby because of what I had done. I really wish I had spoken to someone.
As far as the actual abortion goes I didn't find the procedure too traumatising. In Scotland its been the case that you can get the pills and take them home to do it, or you can be an inpatient at the hospital. I chose the home option.
Took the first pill on the Monday then inserted the other 4 pills into my vagina and I was also given pain relief but i didn't end up taking it. I had some intense period like cramps and about 4 hours later I passed the sack, after this I had barely any pain and the bleeding drastically lessened.
They give you a pregnancy test to take 3 weeks after the procedure, mine came back positive and it turned out I still had some retained product. I got taken in for a scan and they said it should come away naturally (which it did) so I bled for about 8 weeks in total.
As other people have said feel free to message me with any questions (if you go down that route)
Don't beat yourself up about anything though x

 

[Eureka]

Definitely get some counselling, it will help you sort your feelings out. Just talking about it to someone who won't try and give their opinion will be really helpful. I’ve had a surgical abortion at 9 weeks and had an older child, personal circumstances made having another not an option at that time but with an older child at home I still found it a really difficult choice to make. I kept comparing the pregnancy to her and felt very torn but I knew it was the best option for me. That was in 2008. It took me a good bit of time to get back to normal after it, I didn't regret it but it was something I carried around with me for a long time. I don't think I realised how emotional I would be but I suppose its takes time for your hormones to settle and feeling up and down isn't a sign you made the wrong choice. I have since had another baby in better circumstances and he feels the baby I was always meant to have if that makes sense?

Be gentle with yourself and best of luck to you whatever you decide to do xx

 

[cookie12!]

Hi lovely. So sorry you’re struggling with this. Follow your heart and soul and do what you feel is best. Know there is no right or wrong in life, only what we perceive to be.

Youve said you don’t feel you can handle a baby right now, (which is totally understandable, sounds like you have so much on your plate) but you don’t want to kill one either (also v understandable!) have you thought about other options such as adoption?

also ask yourself is it that you don’t want another child, or you feel you couldn’t handle another child? If it’s handle, there are always ways we can overcome anything in life, sounds like you’re a strong woman already and maybe there is a support bubble who could help you? If it’s that you 100% don’t want another baby then you may have your answer.

My personal advice is just make sure you don’t do what you think you “should” do, either way, follow your inner voice.

Hope this message isn’t triggering in anyway, just wanted to drop my perspective (I’ve never commented on a thread before lol)

sending you love! Xxx