yankees in the south : Most liked Posts

Sorry I'm late, kids. Today is my anniversary. I had a lovely day with my wife. Sorry. Unlike Will, I actually love and respect my wife. Also, my wife is smart.

Call me Larry David because I have written too much about nothing. It's long. I'm tired. Like Dawn, I worked my fingers to the bone. Unlike Dawn, I can hold a fork.

Are you ready?

*boney sideways thumbs up*

Let's do this!

Congratulations to @CrazySquirrelLady

Who?

So mysterious, no one knows. Maybe Will does. He seems to think so. Will also says he knows Jesus. So I don't think we have anything to worry about. No matter what he says, he's not going to find either of them.

I didn't know that Suzanne Somers was dead (she's not) During a livestream on Tuesday afternoon as Will and Dawn were checking out the cars already parked for the Rod Run, Will just casually mentions that Suzanne Somers died a few months ago. Saying Suzanne Somers passed away is right up there with saying that The Apple Barn closed. Maybe they can lay her corpse in one of the swing seats at an Apple Barn table?

Everyone in the chat told Will Suzanne Somers was alive. He didn't believe them at first. Will always knows better. Then he realized he meant Cindy Williams, who looks nothing like Suzanne Somers. Will got confused because they were both in American Graffiti. Also, Will met Cindy Williams years ago at Autorama. Have you noticed how many people Will met at Autorama? Henry Winkler, Sally Field, Cindy Williams, Jay Leno, Tim Allen. I've seen Oscar telecasts that have fewer stars than that Autorama.

The YITS channel gave away six gift cards to sus-cribers. One woman who won told YITS in the livestream chat that she hasn't gotten her prize yet. I don't know what it is about the Sevierville Post Office but it needs to be investigated for all the mistakes it makes. Or maybe it's the woman's fault. All I know is that it's not Will's fault. It never is.

The next contest is coming up. Instead of giving us information on The Smokies, we got to go shopping for prizes with Will and Dawn. Not just any prizes. Really shitty ones! Will and Dawn picked out coffee mugs. Because who's kitchen doesn't already have a cupboard full of coffee mugs? Yay useless clutter! But that's not all! They also got key chains and ornaments! A whole keychain just for me? If you thought they couldn't pick out something you wanted less than a keychain, hang on. It's a box of taffy! Who doesn't enjoy candy that feels like it's going to pull out your teeth? Are these items for the contest winners or losers? The answer is, "Yes! You'll be a winner but the prizes are so shitty you'll feel like a loser!" Great job, YITS!

I'm going to let you in on a little secret: since August, Will and Dawn have been on a weight loss journey. Don't tell anyone!! It's just a thing they're doing. They probably don't want me to even mention it. They only talked about it once. Never again.

Will and Dawn also took their E-Bikes to Knoxville! I don't know if you heard but, Will and Dawn are trying to lose some weight. Don't tell anyone. They don't want anyone to know. Maybe that's the reason they stopped every ten feet and used pedal assist on the flat, smooth pavement.

They also ate at a Mediterranean restaurant. I don't know if you heard but, Will and Dawn are trying be healthier. Don't tell anyone. It's not a big deal. They don't want to talk about it. It's something that they're doing for them. I'm only going to mention it this one time. This one time.

Will and Dawn went to the Old Mill. Will ordered a chicken breast. I don't know if you have heard, but Will and Dawn are trying to lose weight and make healthier choices. Don't tell anyone. Dawn ordered a triple grilled cheese sandwich and a cup of chili. Apparently, Dawn making healthier choices is such a secret, even no one told her about it.

Move over Jabberjaw! You have competition in the puzzle world. Dawn was enthralled by a magnetic puzzle in a can of the state of Tennessee. It's 100 pieces. Civics question. Guess first without looking. How many counties does Tennessee have? 95. So basically, someone slapped a map of Tennessee on a magnet and made five more cuts. If that person made even more cuts, they could be in the government.

Will has done the impossible! No, not shower, tell the truth or finish a sentence. He somehow made a video even more boring!

During The Jeep Invasion he literally just drove a loop on the strip and then went home. He says it took two-and-a-half hours. Yeah, watching it.

While it felt like hours, it was just twenty-one minutes of the finest Pigeon Forge had to offer: thousands of Jeeps, hundreds of flags and dozens of teeth. More like The Jeep Infestation

Don't worry, Gadsden Flag people. I won't tread on you. Mainly because I don't want the uphill walk. Call it Mt Le Cunt.

These people looked at Dawn eating a triple grilled cheese with a cup of chili and thought she was on a diet.

Those Jeeps are very nice and obviously very expensive. Will decided to go cheap. Dawn's accessories cost less but the gas is much worse. (Let 'er rip, potato chip!)

While looking at Jeep vendors at The Le Conte Center, Will asked Dawn if she knew who legendary NASCAR driver Richard Petty was. Dawn said of course. Richard Petty was a singer and Tom Petty's brother. That sounds like I made that up, but I didn't. She really said that. For Dawn, it's not the waiting. It's the thinking that's the hardest part. Dawn probably thinks Johnny Cash is money for a pay toilet.

We know Will can't finish a sentence and can't write. You're shocked to know that Will can't do math. I don't know if you know this, but YITS are trying to lose weight. Will posted their progress on "X" (Twitter). He listed the amount and percentage of weight that Dawn lost. A fifth grader could calculate the rest. Dawn weighed 292lbs. All of this time when Will said he was taking out "The 300", did he really mean Dawn?

(Note: in typical Will fashion, he's tried to lie and gaslight people by saying it was really his weight. Nice try, Will.)

Will and Dawn's Errand-Palooza! Ma and Pa Kettle went to Walmart. They even pointed out where you can find it. Because finding a Walmart is such huge a problem. If those places don't catch on, they could only put a few more local stores out of business. Will showed us "Smokies-Opoly". I wonder if Will's house is Baltic Avenue? Instead of Jail, you just have to stay away from The Dolly Parton statue, which is cruel and unusual punishment for Will.

They also looked at costumes, fall t-shirts and warm, haunt pajamas. Haunt is flannel if Will is reading. I don't know if you know this but Will can't read.

Will and Dawn spent two seconds picking out gift cards, but ten minutes looking at candy, cookies and donuts. Dawn laughed about a "baker's dozen" printed on the box of donuts. No idea why Dawn laughed. I also had no idea that she could count that high.

After, walking ten miles around Walmart, we got a musical montage of the parking lot. Like a white trash Scorsese.

I don't know if you know this, but Will and Dawn are trying to make healthier choices. Don't tell anyone. During their trip to the Applewood Farmhouse, you can see they're not trying very hard. Will got steak smothered in gravy and Dawn got a pork chop. At first they weren't going to eat any fritters. Then just one. Then there was just one left in the basket. Of course, they haven't had any sweets lately...which is something they will say again in three days when they break down and eat sweets yet again.

I don't know if you know this, but Will and Dawn are on a diet. You certainly wouldn't know it from watching them eat.

Don't worry. They are going to walk six miles later. Of course. On a rainy day. And Will didn't bring a jacket. If Will counted how many miles he ran from the truth, he could add a million miles on his weight loss app.

During a livestream Will and Dawn said they keep a spare change of clothes in the Jeep at all times. Will said he even keeps jackets in the Jeep in case it rains. If that's the case, then why do we always see them without jackets in cold and rainy weather? I'll bet the jackets must be kept in the Jeep underneath the chainsaw. They wear the jackets as often they use the chainsaw.

I don't know if you know this, but Will and Dawn are disgusting. On that same livestream, Will and Dawn said they intentionally packed their old underwear and socks in their luggage on their Europe trip. Instead of washing them they just threw them away.

"Throw them away! Throw them away! Throw them away!!" shrieked Dawn like a psychotic parrot who snorted Tony 5000's finest.

I can't imagine the horror of Dawn's giant granny panties and Will's drawers that look like a dragster laid rubber through them. His hats are disgusting enough. I don't even want to think about the damage the other end is capable of. The Skid Row of skid marks.

Let's see, they've done Apple Barn, Applewood Smokehouse and The Old Mill AGAIN. By my calculation, that means...it's time for Dollywood! AGAIN. Gotta use the passes. Nobody was there. It's in-between seasons. Will says it gives them a chance to see and do things they wouldn't ordinarily do. So, of course, they didn't. Same gift shops, decorations, and Fire in the Hole...the ride, not how their diet is affecting digestion and his biohazard underwear.

Will and Dawn once again went to the Sevier County Fair. We got to see animals, art projects, agriculture and the midway. Will said that they rode The Zipper last year and he's still feeling the pressure. The only zipper under more pressure is the one holding Will's jeans together.

I don't know if you know this but Will and Dawn are trying to lose weight. Don't tell anyone. They each had giant, Philly cheesesteak baked potatoes smothered in cheese sauce. Apparently, Will and Dawn's diet is so secret, even they don't know about it. Unless someone recently invented a diet Philly cheesesteak with Zero Calorie Cheese Sauce. It's okay. I'm sure Will and Dawn sprinted in between midway games.

Remember the news about a giraffe born without spots? Weeks after every platform had stories, pictures and video of the giraffe, YITS decided to check it out. How timely. Maybe next he can cover Lincoln being short at Ford's Theater. With the urgency of a drowsy turtle, Will took Dawn and sister Sierra to the Bright's Zoo. Upon entry it became the Not So Bright Zoo.

I swear Will said gir-ass. Listen. He doesn't say giraffe, he says "gir-ass". Which sounds like "yer ass". "Trying to capture a glimpse of ger ass."

Imagine asking Will about his day and he says, "I took Dawn and Sierra to see yer ass." Which would be a true statement if Will was talking to Adam the Woo.

Dawn was impressed with how much space the animals have in their enclosures. The enclosures also have better roofs and safer porches than her house. While the enclosures probably have holes in the walls there's no broke-dick pick-up truck in the animals' yard. Dawn's house also has a much bigger jackass.

We've seen animals at the Fair and at a zoo. Ever full of new ideas, Will took us to see even more animals at...uh...I'm not sure. Is it an abandoned Rain Forest Cafe? Sorta. It's more like a fancy pet store. The Rainforest Adventure Zoo. It's located on NASCAR Street? Seems weird to have a street named after a trademarked sport. Why not name it after a driver like Tom Petty?

Will says the adventure zoo has "that Mexico look or the look that we saw when we were in Mexico". Does that mean there's a fat guy in a blue bodysuit inside? What kind of adventure is this? Do we need a safe word? It better not be giraffe because I know how Will pronounces that.

The Rainforest Adventure Zoo has a lot of birds, smaller mammals and reptiles, including a caiman crocodile caught in the Little Pigeon River. The belief is that it was a pet released into the wild. While they can be menacing, predatory and dangerous, the caiman crocodile still has more friends than The Gatlinburg Hussey.

Will, Dawn, Sierra and Mama Sidelines went to Helena, Georgia. Always fun to celebrate Oktoberfest when you don't drink. Like going to Thanksgiving when you don't eat. Or Dawn going to school.

They browsed through a Dutch Import store. Will said it had blue china. It's actually Delft the iconic pottery of Holland. I don't know if you know this but Will doesn't read or prepare anything.

Will and Dawn enjoyed ginger cookies in various shapes. Will had the cookie shaped like two people. Which is fitting because Will's shaped like two people. Dawn got the man and a horse, in her case it should have been a man and a jackass.

I need to check out this calorie counting app. Apparently it lets you eat a bucket of candy. Dawn dove for candy thrown from the floats during the parade. She ended up filling a bucket with candy by running out into the street. She's old enough to be a grandma in Tennessee and she's cutting off young children to get candy on the street. Delicious street candy. Sounds like a nickname for what Tony 5000 sells. She held up her bucket. She was so proud. Very normal behavior for a 50-year-old woman.

After a giant pretzel, Will went into a candy shop. You can hear his diet just wearing him down, the lust in his voice as he practically growls the names, "my favorite, the candy corn!!" A very abrupt cut in the video makes me think he gave in. Like Gollum holding the ring, Will squeals, "My precious..."

Will, ever the wordsmith said, "A fun place to have some fun." Does he even listen to himself?

Inside the hat store, Will found a hat that reminded him of Clark Griswold. I wish Will could be like Clark Griswold at Oktoberfest: someone would punch him in the face.

I don't know if you know this but Will is back to being a self-made man. On the livestream Sunday night, Will brought back his old success story. We've heard it before: he managed a factory right out of high school. He worked like ten hour days, six days a week for 20 years. It still doesn't add up. Because if you work all of the time that's how you move up. That's so cute. Isn't that precious? If that's how you move up, why didn't Will move up when he worked at Walmart? Not enough twelve hour days? Didn't stock the tampon shelves well enough? You'd think a young, go-getter executive could do better than putting feminine hygiene on shelves at Walmart. We have a douche on aisle nine. His name is Will Grace.

During the same livestream, once again Will made the claim that he saved, invested and he's financially independent. Later, Will said he took a huge risk moving to The Smokies and starting his YouTube career. But I thought Will was financially stable? Also, if you have so much money, why did your dad pay for your house and your Jeep? It's funny how the self-made man never mentions that.

Last Sunday's livestream could be a recap of its own. Will went off on everything, including his insurance. He claims he's been on it for years through the marketplace. Except that's not what he said in January. Then he made a point of saying how he bought insurance this year and he was getting every exam and test this year because he's paying for it, even a colonoscopy at age 45. Last Sunday he said that he has been on a biologic for psoriasis through his insurance for years. I don't know what to think other than I bet he can't get a colonoscopy because he's so full of shit.

Here's a new one: Will has a large collection of Halloween decorations for his house and his yard including a giant skeleton. He's never put them up in Sevierville. My guess is that he's never put them up at all. They were his dad's. It doesn't matter if he puts them up or not. No Halloween decorations are scarier than standing on Will's deck.

Will was in fine form on the latest Sunday livestream. He's a good Christian. He knows there are bad people who stab him in the back. He talked to a family member who's a preacher who told Will to pray. He should have told Will about lying and the sin of gluttony. I think Will's preacher is as real as his diet plan.

Have you ever noticed how amazing Will's family is? He's got a relative who's a preacher, a lawyer, seems there's a family expert for everything, even Dr Seuss. Whenever Will has an issue, he just pulls out a relative who's an expert in that field. It's like a Swiss Army Family.

Will is super religious again. If you are a Christian or practice any faith, I respect that. You shouldn't respect Will. Religion to Will is a tool: it's a shield to hide from criticism, it's a stick to hit perceived enemies and it's a halo he wears to con people for money. When the cameras are off Will doesn't pray or even give Jesus a second thought. Will only needs God when the record button is pushed.

As angry as the fake pious act makes me, I about lost my shit when Will and Dawn talked about how hard they work. Dawn had the audacity to say, "I work my fingers to the bone." Doing what exactly? You say maybe five words in every video. You don't shoot much if any video yourself. You don't edit. You don't call ahead or plan locations. You hold a fork like a knife and chew like a toddler. Your descriptions of food are literally the list of ingredients. "It's got a lot of flavor. You can really taste the cinnamon bread." Is that hard work? I put more work, thought, effort and planning into recapping your channel than you do in your actual channel.

What hard work did you do on New Years Eve at Chris and Mindy's house? They went the extra mile for your birthday in Nashville with expensive presents and a cake. They were great friends to you. On New Years Eve in their living room, you sat on your fat ass blabbing about a Jabberjaw puzzle. You are 50-fucking-years-old. Have some common courtesy. The truth is that you don't do shit. You're supposed to be a Smoky Mountain travel expert, but you can't answer the most basic questions about the area. Hell, you can't even remember if you have been somewhere. That's not working fingers to the bone. That's being a bonehead. Maybe pay attention. Look up from your fucking phone once in awhile. Maybe don't watch YITS videos at the table like a three year old. You're an idiot who got lucky. You're not Forest Gump. He made an effort. You're like "Weekend at Bernie's", a lifeless body being drug around eating crap. Call it "Weekend at Fannie Farkles".

Then Dawn said something about modeling? What? How? Was she the centerfold for "Play-Wells" magazine.

Someone else in the chat asked Will and Dawn about their bucket list for travel. Dawn was trying to answer, but Will interrupted her, talked over her and answered the question in typical selfish Will fashion. I imagine Dawn's bucket list would be the Halloween Boo Buckets from McDonald's. Three buckets for candy and three times the kids she can shove out of her way.

Dawn should probably lay off the candy. For the month of August and into September, Will and Dawn have been on a weight loss journey. Did you know that? Oh, you did. They each lost 25lbs. Until they didn't. Will said on Saturday they gained it all back. Now you and I both know that they didn't gain 25lbs in a day. The truth is we've seen this before. I knew the diet plan was off when Will ordered a Club Sandwich and Dawn ordered the chili. Instead of getting down to 170lbs, Will now says the goal is to just feel better. Will always moves the goal posts. Neither Will or Dawn have the tools to succeed: they can't count, they don't have discipline. Hell, they don't even have groceries in their house. Dawn is a 50-year-old woman who can't cook basic, healthy meals. It got to the point where any more weight loss would have to be visible. Even they knew they couldn't keep up the charade. Like the roof, the deck, the pickup truck in the yard, getting rid of the hornets nest, cleaning the studio, the OBS system, the diet plan is never going to happen. Dawn will continue to wear the only two blouses that fit. They work more than she does.

To hear them talk, Will and Dawn are a hard-working, successful, wealthy, God-fearing, religious couple on a diet who walk and sprint several miles every day. Not because they actually do any of these things, but simply because they say so. Shit. Why stop there? Why not say you climbed Mt Everest? You starred in Avatar 2? You wrote "Jolene" and "I Will Always Love You" for Dolly? Why not? They are just as true as the other things Will and Dawn listed.

I don't know if you know this but the Yankee in the South channel has gotten worse. Worse at lying, worse at producing content and worse as human beings. I don't know if you know this. You do? Yeah, I do, too.

I got creative during the liestream.

Thank to @Nate's Top Button
You have my favorite name of anyone on Tattle. Does your name come with a RSVLTS shirt, an obnoxious dalmatian and a sad apartment?

We're gonna ride like one ride, eat a table full of food all by ourselves, get shit-faced drunk and try to pretend I'm not full of myself because I think I'm a celebrity.

Anyhoos, let's go do this!

Shit. I'm reduced to writing about Nate because Will and Dawn did a whole lotta nuthin. Even lazier. I didn't think it was possible either. If Will gets any lazier or fatter, Texas Roadhouse is going to list him as a dependent.

Please forgive me, gentle reader, if I skip over some of...ahem..."highlights". The past few weeks have been so uninteresting and vapid this will be like describing static on a TV screen. I've blocked a lot of it out.

Back in The Smokies, Ryan AIOT is putting out current and informative YouTube content. His channel has already earned over 60,000 subscribers and growing fast. How does Will combat this? Does he buckle down in The Smokies and work harder? What? Are you new? Of course not! Will packed three Columbia shirts, hopped into the 300 and hit the road. Then he backed up when he realized he forgot Dawn still at the kitchen table playing Jabberjaw puzzles. I made that part up. She says and does surprisingly little in this series of videos even by Dawn's simple standards.

4,000 miles. That's what he put on his car. About a million miles of monotony is what he put on YouTube.

Every video is an intro, some landmark, walk a couple blocks, eat, done. In between is Will trying to fill time. Like a fourth grader trying to fake his way through an unfinished oral book report, Will searches for what to say. Long pauses. Fumbling. Trailing off. It's worse than ever. Ryan is planning his month. Will can't plan his next word.

It's time to sail away to where "the elites" play! Monaco? Dubai? Tahiti? No! Michigan!

According to Will "the elites" stay on Mackinac Island at The Grand Hotel. If your ideal of elite is Bea Arthur or Betty White, then you have come to the right place! If Smuckers rented rooms, it would look like this.

The Grand Hotel is apparently famous from the Christopher Reeve film "Somewhere in Time". Which, of course, is the movie Christopher Reeve is most famous for. Growing up I had the "Somewhere in Time" action figures, bed sheets, lunch box, and comic books. Kids beat the shit out of me for it. But I had them.

The next morning, Will and Dawn gorged themselves on the usual breakfast for four. An elegant breakfast restaurant with severs in white coats and no banjo music. Right there on the table was something almost shocking to Will. He'd never seen anything like it before and had no idea what to do with it. No. Not the rambutan fruit. I'm talking about the cloth napkin.

Then it was time to rent bikes and test the strength of the tire rims. After pedaling maybe a quarter of a mile it was time for a reward of ice cream! Pedal again. Stop for fudge. Pedal. Stop again. Will and Dawn are the only people who gain weight riding a bicycle.

After seeing the island where senior centers go on day trips, it was time for something less. A lot less. White Fish Point. Yeah, I don't know either. Some more boats and lock bullshit. And the inspiration for the Gordon Lightfoot classic "The Reck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" And you know what? I think Will said "Fitzgerald" correctly once. Progress! I always thought it was weird to write a song about something that killed people. Don't worry, Will. Nobody is going to write a song about cholesterol.

There are moments in YITS history that are so iconic, they don't need me to do anything. They stand on their own like Will saying pelinsula and callously recording Dawn struggling with stairs. There's no punchline here. He's just a dick.

Will says that his dad drove his family on vacations to upper Michigan. I didn't know Will was this abused as a child. He should have called CPS. I'm falling asleep just thinking about it. Will padded videos with miles of roads, bridges, lakes and small town crap. I don't which sucked more: these towns or Will's shitty editing. If I'm about to die. I'm going to play these Michigan videos. It'll last forever.

Then we got to watch them cross the border and into Ottawa, Canada! Home of that famous Canadian influence. Will showed us statues of who knows? I'm sure the plaques are right there. He can't even be bothered to read. That's our job. At least one of us has a job.

I swear half of the Ottawa video was the The Changing of the Guard. For some reason (and that reason is Will is lazy), we got to see minutes of The Band of the Ceremonial Guard. The ceremony happens at 10 a.m. I can't believe it. YITS actually made it to something on time.

For Will, the highlight has to be the poutine. Not a highlight of the trip. I mean his life. Oh my god. He was absolutely orgasmic, fawning over the cheese curds and gravy like a long, lost lover. He loved the poutine so much, the Dolly Parton statue got jealous.

Next YITS went to Paris...er...I mean Montreal. Sorry. Will says Montreal reminds him of the Paris "vibes". He's quite the poet, isn't he? A wordsmith. He took us to the site of the 1976 Montreal Olympics where he showed us a swimming pool! Will pointed out a mural of Bruce Jenner, no mention of what Jenner did at The Olympics or recently. Dawn bought a bracelet. I think. It was so tight on her fat wrist, it might have been a tourniquet. Then they mispronounced the name of the restaurant where they ate and didn't know what they ordered. So no difference there. Now that Will and Dawn left, Montreal is going to build a wall and making Tennessee pay for it.

Will and Dawn drove into Vermont, the home of Ethan Allen. Whoever that is. History buff Will was more interested in Ben & Jerry and Wendy's and Arthur Teacher's even Grimace for that matter.

Thankfully, YITS spared us a screen door factory and went to Build-A-Bear. Will mentions how one of the bears is based on 'Gaucho' Marx. Had Will's viewers been alive, they would have corrected him.

Dawn wrapped the arms of a giant teddy bear around her. Doesn't feel like Will though. The bear wears a smaller sized shirt. Also, the bear is made out of less fabric than Will's shirt. The bear is full stuffing. Will is full of shit.

What is Will's deal with fucking backroads? Aren't you're boring enough on the highway?

At The Cady Hill Lodge, Will and Dawn played South Park pinball. Exactly like good Christians would.

The Ski and Snowboard Museum was...closed. That's our Will. Lucky for us, the General Store was open. They sell all the crap that you could send away for in the back of comic books. Be Sure to Drink Your Ovaltine.

"If these floors could talk.." Yeah. They'd say, "Get off me, fatty! I'm a hundred years old!"

Will references PBS and "This Old House". Dawn has no clue. She does know Sesame Street, however. Brought to you today by the letters C....U....N....T. I'm sorry. I apologize for insulting vaginas. I should not compare them to Dawn. Vaginas aren't useless. Which reminds me, we saw yet another covered bridge.

Will loved the "hike" to a waterfall. It was a quarter of a mile! That's not a hike. That's barely a walk. Will says it was a humid day. When you sweat standing still, every day is humid.

Will took us through more covered bridges. If you like them, that's great. To me it's a shed with a road through it. Will showed us some old, one-room school houses which Will will somehow spin into him getting a doctorate degree. These places seem very nice but without context, they're just pictures.

I didn't know that part of The Appalachians stretched into New Hampshire. Those must be some classy mountain folk. YITS fans from New Hampshire are called Hill-Williams.

During a livestream, Will and Dawn mentioned they got locked inside a cemetery in Salem, Massachusetts. Why? What were they doing inside of a cemetery? I thought they weren't doing meetups anymore? So nice of YITS to visit some of their youngest viewers. One of the headstones asked about Chris and Mindy.

Will is looking into getting an RV because they want to prepare their own meals. He says it's hard to find healthy food on the road. Yeah. Especially when you are not looking for them. Right, Will. Because given the choice, you're not going to choose McTofu.

Why didn't Will and Dawn just go camping? Weren't they going to go camping this year? They spent like $1000 on camping equipment and haven't used it. Just like Will's shower.

Will got food poisoning. He ate that oh, so delicious cheap hotel free breakfast sausage. Food poisoning. Why do we always fight with the ones we love? Why would food poison Will? Doesn't food know? If it kills Will food will be unemployed. Don't worry, food. Your job is safe for maybe seven more years.

2023 has been expensive for YITS. They are still talking big: Hawaii, Italy, Scotland, a cruise, Disney for Christmas. Can YITS afford to travel to any of those places? He doesn't want to get into the fines and logics of it all, but does Will lie? I mean other than all the time.

It doesn't matter where Will and Dawn go. It won't be interesting. Videos will be like a training bra: plain and padded.

We've got more road trip to go. I imagine that they just going to be more of the obvious, low-effort slog we've trudged through on this road trip. Because it's apparent Will has gotten lazier, it's easy to miss that Dawn barely talks these days. With the exception of maybe a dead-eyed "that's amazing", she's pretty checked out. Nothing about the flavor or how it tastes. I don't know if she's resigned, struggling or dreaming of "Jabberjaw". She's kinda bitchy blocking people on the livestream. Both of them are little short with viewers who ask questions. Will and Dawn are bored. That's old news. With apathy has come irritation.

Will doesn't want to cover the Smokies. He doesn't want to learn anything about the new places he travels. He doesn't want entertain or inform. He just wants to do whatever he wants and for you to shut up and like it. Numbers for this latest trip have been down. I think Will and Dawn fans are starting to catch on. They're used to crappy videos but Will and Dawn are supposed to be their friends who love The Smokies the way they do. Not only have YITS insulted The Smokies, they have insulted them. Bragging about trips and camping and plans and buying RVs. Regardless of whether YITS can afford it, it's still insulting. Do you think YITS viewers care about Ottawa let alone can find it on a map? Will is out of touch with his viewers and what they want. He's had it so good for seven years he thinks he can just record slop and throw it in the YouTube trough for his hogs. He's not going to change. The plans for the fall, winter and into next year prove it. Is he stupid? Is he selfish? Is he egotistical? All three?

The channel is no longer your friends Will and Dawn show you The Smokies. It's become Will and Dawn brag about travel rub your face in it. We'll see how long this will last before YITS stans look to see if Adventure is Out There.

Let's hear it for @Where's My Postcard? for the very out of the box (but in the well) idea for a title thread.

If I can offer you a bit of advice, gentle reader. If you ever find yourself unable to sleep, never start recapping the activities of two people who look like they were engineered in the back of Butterbean's swap meet booth out of beef tallow and used lottery scratchers. Look. It can be fun to insult two human Crisco cans. They certainly deserve it. People laugh. It can be fun. Here's the problem: you will reach the point where they don't do anything. They are not giving me much to work with here. It would be like if I had to write ten paragraphs on a puddle of sedentary water. Of course you know what water and Dawn have in common?

You can find them both at the bottom of a well.

Ha! I set you up. Fished in!

Well...well...well...

Okay. They gave me one thing to work with. I blame Dawn's grandpa. I can picture his wrinkled hand reaching up and rubbing his furrowed brow after his granddaughter did yet another stupid fuckin thing as he wonders why. "Why did I pull her out of that well?" You know he did. How could he not? "Dawn Marie if don't speed waddle over here right now, I'm gonna throw you back in the well!"

Thankfully, they boarded up the well. Probably because her family knew odds were very good she'd just end up down there again. Vegas wouldn't take my money. They told me, "Of course she's gonna end up down there again! Have you seen her?!"

All we know is that she spent nine months in the hospital. But when you picture the accident, you picture her hitting her head, right? Then you try to pinpoint the part of the skull where blunt force trauma would cause the most neurological damage. That's the spot you imagine Dawn landed on. The only question is, "Did she hit it 10 more times?" I picture Dawn falling down the well head first sort like a shuttlecock. The stupidest shuttlecock ever.


I don't know what is wrong with that well. I do know that nobody wished for Dawn. Nobody thew in a coin and said, "I want a very slow girl who doesn't pay attention, eats loads of fat every day, kinda bitchy and loves poop and fart jokes. Lots and lots of poop and fart jokes." It's more like a Wish.com well. Just know, Grampa Carrier, wherever you are, you thought you were doing the right thing, but you made the world a whole lot dumber. Next time, stick to sharpening chainsaws in your Ted Kaczynski shack.

So he sharpened chainsaws for a living? I expect to find a sticker on the door of the chainsaw business "As Seen on Dateline! Stone Phillips gave us four stars!" Another sign: This business has been murder free for ____ days." Yeah, I'm not going in there.

Outside of the well, we saw the area where Dawn grew up. I know you watched the video because I heard you say, "Yeah. That makes sense now."

I wasn't sure if I was watching where Dawn grew up or a filmstrip on The Depression. We got to see some lovely, dilapidated houses and trailers that, looking at Dawn, I'm guessing were painted with lead paint.

When Dawn was a little girl she and her siblings would earn a little money by cleaning up the local drive-in movie theater. Dawn's grandfather was apparently was a partner in the drive-in. I know if I was looking for some business capital, I'd definitely see where Dawn's grandpa lived and think "movie mogul". Look at that compound with the creepy house and lopsided trailer! Oooh, is that a well that's been idiot proofed?!? Oh, yeah! We got a regular Scrooge McDuck here!

Dawn's job was to pick up trash in the field after the movies. Because little girls should be tromping through a field around 11 o'clock at night. Let's do the math here. Dawn was born in 1973. Add in the fact that her family is a bunch of hicks, I'm going to estimate that Dawn picked up trash in the late 70s to very early 80s. I remember a lot of drive-ins started to close in the early 80s. So let's cut the difference and say Dawn picked up drive-in trash somewhere between 1979 to 1983. Can you imagine the stuff you might find in the late 70s? "Dawn, go clean up where that groovy van was. And don't forget to wear rubber gloves." "Those are not balloons, Dawn. Don't try to blow them up! You put them in the trash right now! If you do that again, it's back in the well!"

Then Dawn took us to the local outdoor pool where Dawn was a lifeguard. You know how Will is, so insecure that he has to exaggerate everything. I don't believe that Dawn was a lifeguard. One: They don't make ten piece bikinis. Two: lifeguards don't paint fences. I never turned on Baywatch to see Pam Anderson painting in slow motion. I took lifeguard classes. I must have been stuck in a well when they taught fence painting. Also, who paints a chain link fence? It was already silver!!! It was obvious, but not to Dawn 35 years later, that the people at the pool gave Dawn an easy job to keep her occupied and out of their hair. She was a lifeguard in the same way that Will uses Right Guard.

Can you imagine if you were drowning in that pool and it was Dawn who was there to rescue you? I'm not sure she could find the right hole for mouth to mouth even though the instructions are in the name.

Dawn says she could rescue Will. Dawn, look at the size of your husband. Now look at the length of your arms. You can't reach all the way around him. To be fair, neither can chimpanzees.

Dawn said she said she sat in the lifeguard chair. She probably did until someone came out and screamed, "Get out of the chair, Dawn! You're not a lifeguard! Get back to painting the fence!" Will wondered if the boys were all hot and bothered for lifeguard Dawn like Wendy Peffercorn, the lifeguard from the 90s movie "The Sandlot", probably the last movie Will saw in a theater and the newest reference he's ever made. Except, being Will, he called her Sandy Culpepper. Sandy Duncan, Sandy Koufax, Wendy O. Williams, use any name you want. I'll bet you a million dollars in racoon penis that there is no way any boy wanted to date the creepy well girl who picked up trash at the drive-in. Have you ever seen a drive-in and thought, "What a nice part of town,"? No. It's always sketchy as hell and right near the stretch of railroad tracks where missing bodies are found.

In "The Sandlot", Wendy Peffercorn didn't live with her family and Spritz the goat on a militia compound.

Like Dawn cares. She probably heard the name and wondered if there's a Minions Peffercorn bucket. As long as Will can help her open it.

Dawn was such a terrible lifeguard she almost drowned her downstairs neighbor. Dawn said she left the water running in her upstairs apartment. Someone knocked on the door and told her she was flooding the apartment below hers. I have so many questions! The first one is, Will, why do you fucking suck so bad at interviewing? I realize that you probably live with stupid shit on the daily, so this doesn't even phase you, but there are some of us who have a spouse of the non-drooling variety. What was so interesting or important that Dawn forgot about the water? Did a Jabberjaw cartoon come on TV? Was there a shiny object? Did she have PTWS? Post Traumatic Well Syndrome. Was she too busy trying to figure out how many brothers and sisters she has? I need these answers, Will! And like a standard IQ test, you failed me.

The kicker is that Dawn's landlord made her move downstairs. Key words: made her. Do you know what that means? It means this was the last straw. It was only the latest of stupid shit the landlord had to fix because he owns an apartment and not a inflatable bounce house where she's less likely to hurt herself. He was probably afraid that Dawn would fall out the upstairs window. Then he'd have to deal with Well 2: Dawn on the Lawn. I'm going to take a wild guess: she didn't get her safety deposit back. He should have made her buy flooding or tsunami insurance.

Somewhere there's a landlord drinking cheap beer in a dingy bar at noon, telling stories about Dawn and nobody believes him. The barflies shake their heads and say, "Nobody is that stupid!"

Okay. This one pisses me off. I wasn't surprised. It was just the blatant, cavalier nature of the lie that got to me. As you remember, Will took his dumb wife and spaced out sister in law to Myrtle Beach because, he said, Denise had never been to the beach. Weeks later they're at some light house in Denise's home town in Michigan. What is the light house on? A beach! Denise literally lives right by a beach. She may not realize it or remember it, but she still lives right by it! Sometimes I want to yell at the YITS audience. "Don't you see how he doesn't respect you?!? He knows that he can shit out any video and you will watch it and then pray for the fat asshole! Why can't you see this? It's so obvious! Oh, and that's a very nice velvet painting of Jesus you have there. Can I get a ride home in your Pinto? Sweet!"

I was looking at the financial pages the other day. Yum! brands stock is way up. I wonder why? Look at that. Will took Denise to the first KFC because she had never been. The truth is Will wanted KFC chicken. You've seen it all before. Will thinks Col Sanders is the most famous person in the world. David Beckham called. He told Col Sanders to fuck right off.

Will was downright orgasmic here. Like fat Gollum ("My precious !) practically cuddling his three piece meal.

In Will's mind, The Sanders Cafe is his church. There are no 10 Commandmets, just 11 Herbs and Spices. Col Sanders is Will's Jesus Christ. As in Jesus Christ! He's so fat!

Next Will drove two hours to eat at Pizza Hut Classic. Mowing the lawn is too hard. Leaving the house before noon is a chore. But Will is more happy to drive two hours for fast food pizza. For a guy who doesn't like pizza, he sure seems to eat a lot of pizza. Will thinks that the "Classic" on the Pizza Hut sign might be a clue that this is a reto-style restaurant. It's also a neon sign pointing to Will being an idiot. How is he not embarrassed? Can shame not travel through fat? If that's the case, Will buried it deeper by ordering two pizzas, garlic parmesan wings and cheesy bread. I believe they call it the "I Don't Need This Foot" special.

While Will pondered the eternal question of: brick or fake brick, Dawn said like four words and Denise said zero. It's like there was a commercial that said, "Come into Pizza Hut and just stare off into space and we'll give free cheesy bread!" Denise made David Crosby look like Donny Osmond. She and Dawn just sat their wearing their sunglasses inside. Hmmm. Why would a person wear their sunglasses to eat lunch inside? Like the brick at Pizza Hut, it's a mystery.

In a totally unrelated note, Will, Dawn and Denise partied with the cocaine bear or, as I like to call him, Beary 5000. Denise even bought a cocaine bear Tshirt. I've never seen her happier. Tony 5000 has, but I haven't. I can't believe that Will's religious stans just let one this slide. Someone complained about the alien brothel years ago. A message must have come from a loyal viewer telling Will his kid asked him about cocaine. Now he's pissed because he doesn't want to share. They danced around the cocaine bear. I want to get Dawn high on cocaine, then put her on an electric bike and see what happens. Probably look like a video on fast forward. Why do I hear "The Benny Hill" theme right now?

"Have you seen Dawn?"

Last I knew she was going to try to jump over Mt LeConte. Drugs are bad, kids. That would be fuckin hysterical, but drugs are bad.


Everyone loves Yankee Mouth! I think it's a family: mother, father and daughter around ten who have made a few YITS parodies. Give the woman who plays Denise an Oscar. Yeah, I know it's not a movie but not even Meryl Streep or Daniel Day Lewis could portray a better Denise. Nailed it! Maybe Brennan Frasier could play Will? Except he already won an Oscar for playing "The Whale". The Yankee Mouth father and daughter do okay. Every time I always want them to do more. They don't go far enough for me. No surprise. Look at terrible things I write. You love it, ya sick fuck. I'll think to myself like Martin Scorsese directing them. "Now, Dawn, remember: you don't have an original thought in your head. You are off in your own world having a different conversation than Will. Now, Will, you love yourself and that this scam is working. You just throw out that homespun bullshit that you know they want." For me, it feels like there's a lot more material to mine there. I like it, but it there are lots of phrases, events and habits they haven't parodied yet.

Mysteriously, the Yankee Mouth channel and videos have disappeared. Some have speculated that Will played a role in the disappearances. Oh, sure. Can't send out postcards but he's got time to screw with their channel. Yankee Mouth should change their channel name to "Timothy Farmer" then Will will ignore it.

I gotta hand it to the real Timothy Farmer. That kid is persistent. Every livestream he asks about Chris and Mindy. I can practically count it down to when he's going to ask.

"3...2...1...."

"Ok, look guys..." says Will as a vein would pulsate from his forehead but you can't see it because it's buried under about four inches of forehead fat. There's cable in the ocean not buried as deep.

But let's talk about Chris and Mindy because Will sure doesn't. He'll deflect by saying that they are doing their own thing and that he can't speak for them. Then in the same breath will give out the blood type of YouTube vlogger "Super Slacker" along with their address and social security number. It sure seems like, after Will was such a self-centered jerk at New Years, Mindy gave Will a piece of her mind. Which would give Will exactly one piece of mind.

I'm happy for Chris and Mindy. They seem to have a lot more in common with Chad and Natasha. I bet Mindy can actually have conversations with Natasha outside of topics like: colors, shapes,new items on the Taco Bell menu, Jabberjaw and what the hell is Grover? Did you see the picture of Chad and Chris? Looks like Chris lost weight (and 700lbs of YITS). They were at the Polynesian Resort at WDW. That place ain't cheap. Chris and Mindy no longer have to accommodate YITS and stay in motels with bars on the windows or break down and pay for an Airbnb, while Will takes credit for everything. Chris and Mindy, if you are reading this, you're not sounding out the words like Will and Dawn. Also know that we here are happy that you made the healthiest decision for you and your relationship. Okay, spill the tea. Will smells bad, doesn't he? He never showers. He's covered in a greasy sheen like he's been dipped in an oil slick. He's got all those rolls and folds of fat that probably trap in the funk. You can just tell that Will is one of those guys who thinks nobody can smell him, but everyone can smell him. Will, I'm trying to be your friend here: you are only a couple of years away from the worst smell of all: old man smell. Old guys who live alone never shower. Because they can't smell themselves, they think they don't stink. You walk by them in the grocery store and it not only smells terrible but it also slaps you in the face and it feels like dirt in your eyes. That's going to be you very soon. But since you are famous, people are going to talk. It's going to be mean like the YouTube comments section only among people who actually matter.

Still, everyone loves Yankee Mouth. I'm sitting here getting a calus on my thumb so big it could be on Dawn's face. But everyone loves Yankee Mouth. They're so great. Nobody ever talks about it's got flavur. The little girl is adorable playing Dawn, but I give you more jokes than Will has Columbia shirts. Actually, that would only be five jokes. Nevermind.

Have you noticed that we're seeing a lot of the blue and white Columbia shirt? It's July. He probably took the Santa shirt out of rotation for a bit. Will is wearing big blue so often, I bet if you add water, you can make gravy. Sounds so gross it could be on the menu at Apple Barn.

Will, Dawn and Denise picked some peaches! On the livestream Will said they went to an orchard. The reality is that it's three trees in the backyard of Mama Sidelines. I'm starting to suspect that this Will guy exaggerates a lot. Will, what did this lie get you? They were very nice trees filled with peaches that had more freckles than a ginger convention. Looked like someone shot them with buckshot. Will sounded like Bubba Gump only dumber as he listed off things that you can make with peaches. Will's favorite seems to be peach cobbler. I think Will's mom makes it. You know what he didn't list? Just eating a peach. Can't do that. It needs to be drenched in sugar, fried in lard or covered in cream. Add at least 500 calories before it goes in Will's mouth.

Dawn grew up around goats. Probably, nice for her to have someone around she could relate to. Probably better conversations than with Denise. Although I hear Dawn and the goat grew apart when Spritz graduated high school first. I bet you could teach the goat to turn off a water spigot. Not Dawn, though. The landlord probably thought: smarter, cleaner, better hair. "Hey, Spritz! Do you need an apartment?"

You may be thinking to yourself, "IGF, you handsome, funny motherfucker, you seem a little grumpy tonight, are you okay?"

Whoa. How the fuck did I end up all the way down here?

These two human slugs have done so little recently, they're probably growing moss. I'm convinced that Will is getting lazier. He's breathing heavier. He's approaching the point where he's carrying so much weight that just existing is difficult. He left The Smokies because Ryan AIOT is a million times better. Sorry, Ryan. I didn't mean to insult you. Ryan AIOT is a billion times better. While Will is a billion times heavier. Shit. I put more work, thought and effort into criticizing Will's channel than Will does into the actual channel! Does Timothy Farmer ever ask me about Chris and Mindy? No. Does anyone ever ask me to sing Happy Birthday? Nope. Not once have I gotten a Jesus card that I secretly check for gift cards, then fawn over for 90 seconds before I quietly drop it in the trash. Rick Ashley is not in my freezer. I'm just some jerk who is spending way too much time on something with way more words than Will and Dawn can read. While Spritz sped through it in like two minutes.

Listen, you fat funnel cakes, the first time seeing you is shock. No one can believe that two people as old as you can be this stupid. Then we enjoy you ironically. You used to be fun to laugh at. Now you don't do anything. You can't even be bothered to show up somewhere during business hours. Ever since you got back from your cruise you haven't done anything worthwhile. I've seen pet rocks that do more than you. It feels like, to me anyway, that the YITS audience is made of mouth breathers, geriatrics in God's waiting and hate-watchers, who are smart, affluent, attractive and I know of one who has a hot ass. In short, Will: your audience sucks. I think your laziness has driven off the second best group: regular people who like The Smokies and want information. Have you noticed the subscriber count on AIOT? Just so you know: the big number is bad for you. Those are all the people who made a choice. If you actually tried and made an effort, you might get your coveted YouTube doorstop faster. Aren't you going to be embarrassed if you and Ryan get to 100K around the same time? Of course, if you ask Dawn she'll say, "Do we have a YouTube channel?" Then she'll thank Mike Ox Long for saying she has pretty hair.

The Smokies was your best chance to compete. Sure Ryan is handsome with only one chin and does a better job than you but The Smokies is the only place where you have any knowledge. When you leave, you just waddle around, read a plaque wrong and then say, "Yeah...huh." That's not interesting. It's a waste of the viewers time. That's why you are losing. Right now you are the top Smoky Mountain vlogger. In six months what are you going to be? Well, probably fatter. I hope for your own sake you don't get stupider. *Shudder* You're not going to be number one in a third-rate area. You're going to be just another face in the YouTube crowd. A very fat face, but you aren't as personable as ATW, you don't speak as effectively as JTC, I can't think of anything that you have over the top vloggers other than chins. You're not very smart and, to make it worse, you barely put in effort. Why would anyone want to watch that? I'm glad that old people who no longer have the strength to yell at kids to get off their lawn watch your channel. Congratulations for wrapping up The Walton's demographic. But what about people who can still get out of bed on their own? You offer no information, no entertainment, more often than not you can't into the building! Why would a person with all their teeth want to watch that? They don't.

You may be thinking to yourself, "IGF, you handsome, funny motherfucker, you seem a little grumpy tonight, are you okay?"

It's about time you asked. Glad I didn't fall down a well. I'd still be down there.

When I started recapping about three YITS chins ago, it was fun. There were things to satirize: YITS took a cruise, Denise's daughter looks like Andre the Giant and the taste of racoon penis on a hot Sunday morning. Now... Will gets winded thinking about walking. He sounds like a living heart attack. I've got nothing to work with here other than Dawn and her childproof well. If Will's strategy is to be so boring and terrible that I and others like me go away, it's working.

Wait a second.

Am I being outsmarted by Will Grace?

Oh, my gawd.

Get me a well.
I'm jumping in.

Thanks to @Willsaprick for the descriptive, hilarious and disgusting thread title. Seriously inspired. A genius title.

Are you ready, Dawn?!!

"AHHHHHH! WHY DID HE DO THAYT?!?"

No, Dawn. It's not time for histrionics, yet. We'll get to the traumatic event in a moment. But first: Are you ready, Dawn?

"I guess..."

*sideways thumbs up*

Let's do this!

What did Will's college professor say?...hahaha... ahahaha...I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Ahahaha...I just can't say the words "Will" and "college" together with a straight face. Once again, Will has changed his story and now claims that he went to college. But I thought he was a plant manager right out of high school who was a financial genius who saved his money and now doesn't have to work? Will and college... ahaha...nope, sorry. I still can't.

Also, Will had a lake house in Michigan. He's never mentioned owning a lake house before. Did Adam say anything about a lake house recently? Why is Will saying this? Depending on the day, Will was either a boy wizard who managed a plant, scrimped and saved and is now financially independent or he went to college (ahahaha!), owned a boat and now a lake house. When was this? Before or after he met Dawn? Why didn't Dawn talk about this magical home on the lake? Have you noticed how much better things were in Michigan? Will was a wunderkind who managed a plant, made all kinds of money, went to college, owned a lake house and was a part of all of these interesting clubs and things. If that's the case, then why is Will such a poor, fat, stupid, unemployed slob in Tennessee? What happened? Will, for your own sake, move back to Michigan!

The big news is that Will, Dawn and Denise420 witnessed a car crash while leaving the new Buc-ee's in Sevierville. YITS were even interviewed about it on a local TV news station.

Sadly, there was a fatality. No, not from the crash. Will and Dawn got killed in the news station's YouTube comments. There's mean, there's cruel and then there's the YouTube comments. Gives me hope for the future.

Back to the actual crash:

"We almost got KILLED!" yelled Will as an SUV straddled the "medium" next to his shitty car. "Why did he do THAYT?!?" screeched Dawn. From the back seat, "Mumble, mumble, mumble." At least I think that's what Denise420 said. She could have been warning everyone of the impending doom or she could have the DaVinci Codes. Who knows?

All I know is that hours later Dawn was still shaken up and Will hadn't been that upset since Buc-ee's raised their price on the brisket "sandwedges". So, about 15 minutes earlier. Dramatic much?

The thumbnail for the crash video had a Lincoln Navigator flying on it's side as seen through the window of Will's 300. It looked like the movie "Inception". The problem is once you saw the video, it looked more like the movie "Cannonball Run 2". It wasn't a big deal at all. Yet hours later, Will and Dawn were still convinced that they were going to die. To be fair, something at Buc-ee's probably will kill them some day. Though it will be something they eat inside the store.

Needless to say, the holy rollers who admire Will and Dawn for their svelte figures and ridiculous number of teeth, were flooding their comments section saying that the bearded man who talks to them through the TV was watching out for Will and Dawn. Do they mean Waylon Jennings from "The Dukes of Hazzard"?

Wait. No. I'm being told they mean Jesus. Are you sure? Will looks like Boss Hogg, Dawn is as smart as Roscoe P Coltrane and Denise420 is as energetic and verbal as Flash the basset hound. Well, I don't know bout them Duke boys, but Will and Dawn are gonna have themselves a mess of trouble getting away from everyone mocking them...stand by... *commercial break*

Speaking of getting away, Will and Dawn have "the travel bug." Will says sometimes they just want to "drop everything". Drop everything? Drop what? Certainly not the fork. They literally just got back from four days in Myrtle Beach. Remember? It was just last week, as they were packing up that "suite on the beach". Will said that the Murphy bed (where his sister-in-law slept) was the most comfortable bed in their suite. Wait. Wut?

"AHHHH! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO SAY THAYT!??"

You want to talk about trauma?!? Forget a high-centered Navigator. Think about anything high-centered on that bed. It goes from Murphy Bed to Murphy Brown.

"AHHHHH! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO SAY THAYT?"

Now I feel dirty. I need to wash myself with Crest soap. Yes, I know Crest is toothpaste. You know that Crest is toothpaste. Will doesn't. Apparently they don't teach that in college (ahahaha!). The other night on the livestream, Will is is talking about hygiene.... ahahaha....nope...sorry...again...two words that don't go together. Anyway, Will showed just how little he showers and brushes his teeth. He said he lathers up with Crest. HE SAID THIS TWICE!!! Twice he tried to correct himself but he couldn't think of a single brand name of soap. Which proves that it was not a slip of his fat, Jabba the Hutt tongue. Nope. Will doesn't use soap. He doesn't brush. This comes as no surprise to anyone who has eyesight.

When talking about cologne, Will mentioned he wore 'Gravity'. Now he's so big he has his own gravity. (I love that joke)

When Will knew he was going to be interviewed by the news station you can see that his hair is washed and combed, he shaved and his skin isn't all red and scaly. It's obvious. Dawn just looked like Dawn, blankly staring at the screen. I expected her to sing the news anchors "Happy Birthday" and then tell them that they don't do meetups anymore.
Hi, Oggie Doggie!
Hi, Shitty Kitty!
Hi, Fucky Sucky!

Even though there was a crash and Will and Dawn were totally going to die if not for the literal hand of God reaching down from heaven and shielding them, not for one moment did YITS consider going to church. They'll be back at Buc-ee's before YITS will be in church. Will does sit in his own pew, but that's because of Crest soap.

If you want to talk about chairs. The big studio remodel is upon us. All of the incredible, life-changing ideals from Will have been put into effect: new lighting, new shelves, a big screen TV and OBS. Oh, BS alright. The same dusty, cluttered shelves. Will just got some Galaxy tablets (which were probably free with his cell plan) and some video game chairs. Will said they were on order. Then he said they went and tested them out. Will says a lot of things. You know that he started looking at fancy office furniture, looked at the prices and settled on cheap video game chairs. Still, Dawn said it was nice to sit in a comfortable chair. What does it say about their furniture when a video game chair is the best seat in the house?

Dawn did like the Galaxy tablets for hiding the herpes on her lip, moving it around to cover her sore. She looked like Bart Simpson or Austin Powers with awkward props trying to hide their dick in movies. Unfortunately for Dawn, there's no hope hiding her dick. Will's sitting right next to her.

As far as the new studio, we're looking forward to the live guests, interviews, podcasts, blah, blah, blah. They are also going to change the way they do birthdays...oh, hang on. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY 89th BIRTHDAY DEAR INGRID! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"

Anyway, we are changing the way we do birth... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU....

I almost forgot. Buc-ee's opened up in Sevierville. Isn't that amazing? After all the hype, you'd think it would lead. Nope. Will put so little energy and effort into his Buc-ee's video, you'd think it was part of his backyard.

Will got two quotes for his deck. Dawn wants Tyvek or composite. I thought Tyvek was composite? Either way, it's Dawn who wants something that they can ignore and spray down once every five years whether it needs it or not. Certainly not Will who wants something easy to ignore, just like his wife. You know that Will could totally build a deck himself. He just wants someone else to do it. A real expert, which is why he is soliciting people who watch his channel. Only the best people. Will has the money. Just like he has the money for an RV, a rental place in mountains and a second home in Florida.

Will is a financial genius. He wants a rental property in The Smokies. Nevermind that Sevier County is the place with the biggest drop in Airbnb rental profits in the United States. He would also buy a second home in Orlando. Totally ignoring the incredibly high insurance rates, if you can even get a new insurance policy on a home in Florida. Will is a financial genius. That's why he's independently wealthy, but I don't want to get into the fines and logics of it all.

After weeks of telling us for weeks that YITS is going on an Alaskan Disney Cruise "sooner than you think", it came true. As long as you can't think of anything sooner than next year. What a crock of shit. I knew he couldn't afford it. You knew he couldn't afford it. It only took Will four weeks to figure it out. Now Will is trying to gaslight Dawn into something cheaper. "Don't you like Puerto Rico, Dawn?" Like Dawn can find Puerto Rico on a map. She probably thinks she needs a passport to go there. I hear it's a third world country. That country being the United States.

It's the ForfaJuly. It's the day when we thank everyone for our history and freedom to get Starbucks or something. I don't know. To Will, every holiday is about "history", "freedom" and "Starbucks", even though they don't serve Mtn Lightnin or Weigel's long johns at Starbucks.

Sad news, Jabberjaw has a girlfriend. Watching the midnight ForfaJuly parade, Jabberjaw went public and brought his girlfriend with him on the parade route. Dawn not only has to suffer because of Daphne, but even her love of Jabberjaw is unrequited.

Sadly, it's time to say goodbye to Denise420. She's heading back home to Michigan. Tony5000 is sad. Denise's daughter graduated from college. Tony5000 can now put his kids through college. Six weeks, even though Denise420 thought she'd been with YITS ten days (!), and no second party for Jennifer's graduation. No one has seen Jennifer either. Word is that she's the new Dread Pirate Roberts. Incon-theivable!

We're apparently on the cusp of a new long road trip uh-venture. Where are they going? No idea. If I were to guess, I'd say somewhere familiar and cheap. Will can't talk with authority about anything new. It's gotta be nostalgia or he's even stupider than usual. He's not going to spend too much money, so he might use his Cedar Fair pass for riding a monorail and maybe a sky or train ride. So pack your Vera Bradley pop socket, your five best 'Columbian' shirts, throw your sister in the trunk and hit the road. It's time for more pointless, half-assed, superficial travel through the eyes of Will.

Welcome to all the new people. We hope more of you sign up. If you love bacon double cheeseburgers, mispronounced words and lazy editing, you are in the right place!

This is what filling a few hours on a plane looks like. Sure, I should have watched a movie, but I didn't. The airplane bathroom didn't get nearly as much use as YITS stateroom bathroom did during a livestream. Whoosh!

It's #32 of your threads but #1 in your heart. The high-minded scholars here chose the very erudite and mature title "Dawnarrhea". And who is the poet who penned a title so classy it could have come from the playground of The Burger School? Oh, koodles to me! I'd like to thank you for this honor. I'd also like to thank my wife and family for disowning me.

And don't forget Dawn and her colon for working overtime. She flushed FOUR times in about five minutes during a livestream from their cruise ship cabin. I'll bet her arms were really flailing. As Will says...those ladies getting ready. What do you mean? We're the ones who needed to get ready. Warn us next time! That hit harder than a Lincoln Navigator at Buc-ee's.

Well, let's recap! Like Will in a rock wall harness, it won't be pretty.

Will and Dawn just celebrated 8 years on YouTube. They should go to Chris Ruth Steakhouse. Nah, gas station pizza is fine. If they ate pizza that is...

Will and Dawn have been home for nearly three weeks, yet the Cruise/Orlando videos just wrapped up. Will loves to make you think that they are still gone while they hide out on their asses at home. I put in more work than they do. Marie Bruzdowski has yet to send me one SuperChat. Dammit.

On Royal Caribbean Uh-venture of the Seas. Will sal-uh-brated his birthday turning 46 on January 4th. Dawn and Will ordered brie but they didn't know what it was. Literally the next word on the menu was cheese. How on earth could they know? They might have liked it had you told them it came from a gas station in France.

The waiter saw Dawn struggling and cut Dawn's meat for her. No big deal. I'm sure he does that all the time for other passengers. Yeah, the ones in high chairs wearing diapers. Open up the hangar! Here's comes the airplane! And don't get me started on steak frites. How is that confusing? It's all right there in the fucking name!

But Will and Dawn didn't just eat on the cruise. Wait. I mean they did. They ate a lot. Steaks, caesar salads, lots of pork, ice cream and trips to the buffet. Will even burned his one of his big fat mits reaching for food. Will does not like that the Windjammer closes from 3 to 6pm to prepare for dinner. Three hours. The horror!

There were excursions, too!
Going back to NASA! Not the space center - The Bahamas. This is the second time they've been to Nassau and they still can't get it right. They saw some pirate display for content and it sucked.

Will and Dawn think Nassau looks like Haiti. Y'know...brown people. They said there was an incident in Haiti. It was actually Nassau where a man jumped into a circle of dogs to get them to move. Dawn took it upon herself to chastise the man even though she is a guest in his country and it was none of her fucking business. He was poor, scruffy and - gasp! - wearing two different color shoes! Dawn must freak out if she sees Punky Brewster.

On a livestream afterwards, someone called her out for being insensitive to the underprivileged. To which the always intelligent and thoughtful Dawn said, "You wanna talk about underprivileged? Me!" Someone please throw that grifting bitch back in the well and put the cap back on.

Will kept bragging how they went off the beaten path. He's Christopher Columbus, bragging about discovering places where people already lived. You're on a tour bus. People were there yesterday, a year ago and they will be there tomorrow. You wanna talk about off the beaten path, how about the path to the kitchen you never use.

Look out Adam. Dawn said she found her new love. It's something else to ride - a wave runner - even though she was petrified to park the thing. Will was so full of himself. He was riding a wave runner while wearing a button-up Columbia shirt with Santas on it. Oh, yeah! That didn't look stupid at all. He said he was jumping six feet in the air. Will, you barely stand six feet in the air.

Will and Dawn called Labadee the best day ever. Dawn called Haiti her happy place. One of the poorest countries in the world is Dawn's Disneyland. So underprivileged.

There were a few other moments on the cruise. Dawn still can't spell YMCA. The song has only been around almost 50 years. She'll catch on one of these days. I'm sure the YMAC, whatever it is, appreciates the support.

Will played mini-golf like a jackass: playing guitar with his club, swinging it around like a sword. He was so full of himself. The wind blew Dawn's dress up. It was like Marilyn Monroe as a walrus. Can I sue the wind for emotional trauma?

Will climbed the rock wall. He claimed he almost rang the bell. Maybe the dinner bell. He made it maybe half way up and then he gave out. Kinda strange how we never saw how close he got to bell. Wonder why? Will was very sore afterwards for a guy who claims to go to the gym. Maybe that's where Will lost the two pounds he claims he lost stuffing his face on the cruise. Such an amazing diet. Will, sign people up for your diet plan. You'll be able to afford a studio with gold-plated shit on the shelves.

Once again, Will and Dawn slept and ate. They even said waddling to a restaurant to look for a plastic duck was pretty far to walk. They ate ice cream and got up late. They never got a spot by the pool. You need to be out by 10am to get those. They like cruising so they can eat, don't have to cook and someone cleans up after them. Makes sense. Their condo looked like a tornado hit it. Based on their studio, their house probably looks like Hurricane Katrina sublets it.

After the cruise, Will and Dawn needed to relax. Because if there's one thing cruises are known for its being strenuous. Phew! They spent four luxurious days in one of the finest timeshares $125 can rent (not buy - it's a timeshare).

Dawn said she did six loads of laundry. How is that possible? They had two rollaboards for five days. We saw Will's four shirts hanging in on the dining table. They wore the same things twice. What is this? A washer for ants?!?

After three whole times in the Orlando area, Will and Dawn have traditions dontcha know. Traditions like going to Disney Springs. The other tradition is not spending any money. Amazing isn't? How Will and Dawn's "traditions" are always free or cheap and fucking repetitive. How many times do we have to see this shit? Whenever you are reading this, Disney is being vlogged. Nonstop. But surely we need to know what two ignorant hillbillies think. Why do they go to Disney Springs? They don't watch the movies. They don't know the characters. They can't name the parks and there are only four of them! They do it because everyone else does. Mickey see, moron do.

One of the things they didn't do is see Adam the Woo. Sadly, the sexual fantasy of Will and Dawn was too busy with his new house. Amazing, since he has been vlogging with Jacob the Carpetbagger, Tim Tracker, World of Micah and a bunch of other hipsters who all look the same to me. I think it's funny that Adam uses the same busy excuse on Will that Will uses on subscribers who want to meet YITS. "I LEARNED IT FROM YOU! I LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING YOU, OKAY?!?" Such a vicious and tragic cycle.

By popular demand (by Will), it's The Showcase of Citrus! What kind of name is that? Sounds like oranges in a Las Vegas revue. At the 10pm show they expose their navels. Hey yo! Thank you. You're a beautiful audience. This citrus farm is in a different location but the exact same thing they did before right down to the Cuban sandwiches. Only last time Will and Dawn said the sandwich truck was authentic because the people spoke Cuban. That is a thing that really happened. No, really. Go back and see for yourself. I'll wait.

Will and Dawn love to travel and get away from The Smokies. What better way to do that than to do the exact same things that they can do in The Smokies. No, Dawn, you can't go to Disney. We have to spend money on a giant wheel and an aquarium, just like the ones in The Smokies. After that it was a meal at Julio's or as Will pronounces it "jew-lee-oh's". People have to correct him, right? He's gotta be trolling. Someone has to have told him. Anyway, no better place than a Mexican restaurant to have a chef salad and some kind of bowl, a known Mexican delight. So you did activities you can do anywhere and ate food at a Mexican restaurant you can get anywhere. Why are you going to these places?

It doesn't stop there. After days of stupid shit and laundry, it's time for stupid shit with no laundry! Treasure Island, it's like Dirty Myrtle's slightly less slutty sister and place we've been before. There's the cinder block motel, giant chicken wing, gaudy souvenirs and not eating seafood at a seafood restaurant! Dawn ordered chicken. Why are you there? The wind blew Dawn's blouse up to reveal a stomach that was bulbous, a little veiny and pale. Kind of like a bratwurst. If the bratwurst lied about losing 43lbs.

But wait! There's more. They drove to The Sunken Garden. Will says it's a sinkhole. It's not. It a pond the original owner drained and planted trees and flowers around. It's the world's prettiest hole. (No. We're not making any jokes there. No! Stop it! Behave.) It's just a garden. At the end you stand like 16 feet underground. While she was down there, do you think Dawn got any decorating ideas? "Oh, THIS is what I should have done to my well! Flowers would have given it a homey touch!" She probably had flashbacks. Save me, Spritz the goat! Save me!

While Will and Dawn were working their fingers to the bone, The Smokies were getting washed away. It was fairly severe for awhile. Of course Will minimizes the severity, saying it floods in The Smokies a couple times a year. The Smoky Mountain Family got over a million views on a flooding video. Doesn't seem to mild to me. He went even further to say you are guaranteed a viral video if you post flooding in The Smokies. Hey, Will. The Gatlinburg fires say hi. What an asshole.

Will has to belittle other YouTubers for making easy content like filming the floods. Will then interrupts his exciting vacation series to show us how it's barely snowing in The Smokies. Once again: Uploading flooding is bad. Uploading snow is totally different and much more difficult. Got it?

In two weeks Will and Dawn went to Tijuana Flats. It must be named after the tortillas, which according to Dawn, taste flat. Ooookay.

While driving around on a livestream, Will and Dawn got hungry. Have you been to Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg? It's not that big. Will and Dawn could have driven home to eat. I mean except for the fact that there's no food there. There are probably things growing in the studio shelves but I doubt you can eat it. Even though there are restaurants a plenty in The Smokies, Will and Dawn decided they wanted Casey's Pizza. Yes, Casey's Pizza. If you're at a gas station, it's gotta be Casey's. They wolfed down the pizza with grease dripping down their arms. What am I saying? Will and Dawn don't eat pizza. Will says they don't even like pizza. They don't even get it very often. Except for on board the cruise ship. Oh, and twice that we know of at the gas station. But who's counting? Not Will. Mainly because he can't count. That and he lies.

Speaking of lying. Guard your cars. Lock up your windshields. Thieves aren't after catalytic converters. They've switched to wiper blades. Will and Dawn say the reason their windshield wipers squeak is not because they are old and need to be replaced. No. It's because someone stole one of their wiper blades and replaced it with an old one. What? So you watched someone approach your vehicle, detatch one wiper blade, replace it with an old one and you just watched and didn't say a thing? What happened to your gatt? Your chainsaw? You didn't even yell? And on top of that they only touched one wiper and then replaced it? You know, I'm pretty sure that story was originally about the Jeep. They were driving The 300. Either way, it's not an excuse. You can still go buy new windshield wipers. Which Will hasn't done. He's probably still traumatized. I think we need to call Fred, Daphne, Shaggy and Scooby to see if they can solve the mystery of The Wiper Swiper.

Now it's time to pause the comedy portion of the show (as if it ever started). I'm a little worried because Will has best friends and relatives who are attorneys. He talked to them and they said that Yankee Mouth is guilty of slander. The videos they recently posted were pretty tame in my opinion. The earlier ones were much more critical of YITS and Denise. First of all, the videos are parody and YITS are public figures. Sorry it gets under your layer of fat, but YouTube isn't all SuperChats and gas station pizza. You're going to get criticism. Instead of taking it in stride, Will was obviously riled up and coached by Watching From the Sidelines, the person who brought it to his attention and is totally not his mother. Will was using big words like "slander". Those attorneys he knows must not be very good if they don't know something basic like the difference between libel and slander. He went off on how a mom and dad making silly little videos with their daughter was child abuse because they were teaching her to hate. Now had he stopped there, it would have just been Will throwing a stupid tantrum. What happened next crossed a line in a big way. He wondered what else they did to the girl and that they should be reported to CPS. Wow. He went there. That's the big insult these days: unsubstantiated claims and accusations of pedophilia. People who do that don't care about kids. They just want to silence people. It's disgusting. Very often the claims are actually a confession. I'm not saying it's the case here. Mainly because I'm not a scumbag who will go to the lowest levels to silence someone.

He claimed to have their real names and location. He implied it was so he could confront them. Really? What exactly do you plan on doing? You're afraid of the wiper swiper. You're not going to get into a fight even with the little girl. All the little girl would have to do to get away from Will is walk fast. She'd lose him after half a block. Dawn might walk fast but what is she going to do? Flail the girl to death with her arms? Take a seat, tough guy. Oh, you're already sitting down eating gas station pizza? That's what I thought.

It was real insight into the real Will and Dawn. We all know they lie. That's a big reason why we're all here. But I thought it was harmless. Will and Dawn are low level carnies who lie to their viewers to get views, gifts and SuperChats. But he's willing to stoop to those levels. He could have just said they were dumb and not funny. He could have said anything. Of all the things to say he went to the lowest of the low. That doesn't reflect at all on Yankee Mouth. That's an indictment on them and their lack of character.

Here we are. Ryan AIOT has over 80,000 subscribers and constantly growing. Meanwhile, YITS are hovering under 95,000 and have been for awhile. Will was supposed to have his big 93,000 sus-cribers contest like two months. I think it was before December. Will has kept pushing back because he's fucking and he has no clue what to do next. Whatever it is I'm sure it will be cheap, easy and stupid. Looking forward to 94,000 giveaway in March. He'll get his plaque, but give up his Smoky Mountain leadership to Ryan AIOT. Maybe one day YITS will get to Roma Table.

Looking to the future of Yankee in the South, Will has big plans. They're going international, and back to Florida soon, and on another cruise and...huh... what's that? Plans have changed? What do you mean Will and Dawn are going to be home in The Smokies this summer?!? Things are too expensive? How? When? It didn't happen overnight. Things have been expensive for awhile. Will says they're dreamers. I say they make shit up. It's not dreaming when you say your wipers were stolen. It's not dreaming when you make horrible accusations you know are false. It's not dreaming when you lead old people on who think you're friends. Nothing Will and Dawn say ever quite lines up. They've got an excuse or a story for ever
ything. Nobody calls that 'pathological dreaming'. No. It's all lies.
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Fuck me. Every time I think YITS have crossed the line, they draw a new one in bacon grease and flop right over it.

Since you two sacks of shit haven’t seem to have clocked it yet, I’ll lay it out here. If you were just 2 braindead yet well-meaning idiots who were floundering their way through their videos like fish out of water (and didn’t delete comments like you do,) these threads wouldn’t exist. Some light banter at the expense of your intellect, maybe, but not with anger.

No. The reason these threads exist and you have multiple channels calling you out is because you two are the most repugnant, entitled and smug scam artists I’ve ever encountered online. Your insistence on isolating yourself in a single-digit IQ echo chamber is not only a symptom of your insecurity and refusal to even acknowledge any form of criticism, but also your vitriol. The way you paint people who are rightfully angry at your nasty conduct as these ‘jealous’ and ‘evil’ trolls would be funny if it wasn’t so disturbing. Yankee Mouth might very well be one of the most light-hearted impression parodies I’ve ever seen, and you accuse the family of child abuse?! How fucking dare you. You couldn’t shit out the definition of ‘child abuse’ based on that claim.
And your ‘stans.’ At first, I felt a little bad for them, like they blindly followed you along. Some of them do, but a good chunk of them are just as hostile as you. The way they blindly lambast anyone with even the lightest pushback against the norm is shocking. Someone politely and rightfully calling Dawn out on making a crude statement about a local on your snooze cruise got verbally burnt at the stake, called for banning them and called them names. And YOU encourage them.

These ‘trolls’ AREN’T trolls. Saying “hey Will/Dawn, that wasn’t cool to say” is NOT trolling. Again, you two dimwits don’t know the meaning of ‘trolling.’ Calling you out to correct you on a bad action isn’t someone saying inflammatory things to annoy you. It’s someone trying to stand up to your behaviour and make you better people. Which you vehemently try to prevent, which tells me that you must love being bad people. And you accusing an innocent parody channel of FUCKING CHILD ABUSE proves that even more, Will. Just shut the fuck up, both of you.

carmel0798 said:

I think Mindy has said no more. When YITS was mentioned in their livestream last month she rolled her eyes.

420 also made this comment on the most recent SMF video-
View attachment 2395294

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Say what you will about Denise but her writing skills and punctuation are impeccable.
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Piping Hot said:

I was right.
Any great Ideals for our next thread name?

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YITS #25: dawn