Swipe Up!

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I agree with most of what's discussed on this thread but I still love Danielle. I love that she cooks everything for 16x longer than anyone else on earth. I love that she is shameless with whatever it is that's she's flogging at the time, whether it's coffee that makes you shit or a mask that does nothing other than go from wet to dry. I love that she filters pulled chicken in gravy AND does 10 stories on how to make it at least once a month. I love that despite there being absolutely no want or need for it, she shares a coffee making story every goddamn morning. I love that it doesn't matter how grotesque or impractical a designer clothing item might be Danielle will buy it and wear it TO DEATH. Skiing? *pulls on gucci slip ons* Swimming? *throws on LV backpack over cossie*... I love the drunk stories. Everything is ridiculous and I AM HERE FOR IT.
 
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JohannaCawffey

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Thanks for the new thread and what an amazing title. Here's a recap for anyone who has missed recent events in Dan's tedious thrilling life.

She returned from Greece where she spent 17 hours a day on a ferry from one island to another, ate gyros and drank beer. She bought 2 pairs of snide Raybans from a shop in Chania for 10 euros and then linked the ACTUAL RAYBANS WEBSITE, cos she's a shameless, greedy, money-grabbing tramp with no moral compass. Upon returning home, she booked her next holiday, she's off to Mexico in November cos she LOVES the cuisine (spoiler alert - she once went to Chiquitos in Wakefied for a fajita) and now thinks she's an expert. She's after a collab with Old El Paso.

She had to miss out on 36 hours of Insta stories while her sister was in labour. She boomeranged the head crowning and her sister's baby looks a lot like Chesney, not that I'm insinuating anything🤪.

Her and Chesney had a night out and walked home 11 miles through a field, ruining Chesney's new trainers in the process cos she's too tight to cough up for a taxi. She then shamed Ches by recording him drunk sleep talking and sharing it in Insta but Chesney isn't bothered because most of her followers are bought and the genuine ones watch her stories on mute so jokes on you Dan.

She's discovered Amazon Prime and Dansplained it to the nation; Her purchases include a gel nail kit, so as well a dog groomer she's now a nail technician. Unconfirmed reports suggest that she's going to buy a brow tattoo kit and do her own eyebrows which frankly couldn't be worse than where she goes now🥴

She hates the shade of white that her house is painted so she's painting it a different shade of white because that's how much of a Princess she is.

Finally, she's bought 2894 tent dresses because she has a 3 day wedding coming up this weekend; She is pretending to be excited about this, but deep down she's sad because the wedding will last into Sunday which is her favourite day, the day she has a Sunday roast, a Sunday walk, does her Sunday jobs, has her Sunday trinkets touched up by Ches and has a Sunday bath.

Hope this helps🤪
 
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Sticky One

VIP Member
How has she taken 8 photos and her face doesn’t change at all 🤣🤣🤣🤣


Let’s play a game of “what Danielle are you today” 🤣
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CoffeeFiend

Well-known member
She doesn't book packages. She has a whole monologue on how she books her holidays. Don't worry she'll share it when she gets back, if not before, because 'everyone' always asks her. 🙄
For those who may not know...

Did you know she books her holiday from scratch? She plans the destination first, then asks other people for recommendations for places to eat/drink Then she makes an intinerary which must not diverge from it's main objective (eat food, get drunken). Finally, she books her accommodation, then her flights.

Next, she updates every single moment in real time on Instagram, and if she's lucky, she might remember her husband came along for the ride.

She always buys a Jo Malone fragrance at the airport, but one time she didn't and it surprised us all. She'll have a pint, whether 4am or 4pm whilst sat in the Wetherspoons airside and rocking her comfy clothing which she bought especially from ASOS or H&M. She will share the #aff link with you all in case you want to copy her "style". Lastly, she will share a billion boomerangs of her drinking, cheering, and eating all the food and drink. If we're lucky, we might get a drunken talky story.

There will be complaints about the times she waited to board the plane, or get in a taxi. We'll be treated to a shot of her Apple watch showing the 20,000 steps she's done in her mismatched shoes (because the silly mare has the same pair in 5 different colours and despite having laser eye surgery, she can't quite tell the difference between white and off white shoes - well duh, have you seen her walls at home?). But the 20,000 steps isn't enough to counteract the 20,000 calories she consumed later that evening when she enjoys a 20 course tasting menu of wine and gourmet curry (in Mexico, because she loves Mexican food but can't quite bring herself to try any).

The next 2 weeks will fly by and before you know it, Dan will be on her 42nd holiday this year. But don't worry, the time listening/reading her stories will LITERALLY drag as we're somehow compelled to tune in every day and watch transfixed like watching a boring info commercial.

Have I missed anything?
 
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girl1980

Chatty Member
New thread suggestion? Boring Dan, 5 ingredient Scran, fingerbanged by another man.

Literally nothing new to add from the last 10 threads as she is so dull!!
 
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JohannaCawffey

VIP Member
Welcome to Stanley Ferry where the most boring woman in Yorkshire is working her first Saturday in years (cos of her aNnUaL lEaVe babes).

In case you missed it, Dan is WFH (non-rented, possibly non-forever home) in her boxroom/office full of wood, clutter and trinkety bits. Her job is to flog mortgages by boring people into submission until they'll sign anything just to get rid of her. If she's on a video call, her weapon of choice is her super-blinking-abilities which have been known to trigger unpleasant symptoms in those poor people she targets.

She may or may not be going to Bali this year depending on the Rona/Bozza situation, listen carefully for any mentions of holidays as she doesn't like to talk about it (except when going to LiSbOn).

Chesney hasn't been seen since she dropped him off at work one Tuesday in August; not saying there's any cause for concern there but she has done an awful lot of work on her patio and Dora isn't allowed to dig in the garden anymore...

Anyway, Ms Orange-Potato-Head would like to thank everyone for their support and comments (all 7 of them in 2021) and will continue to delight us all with her fashion inspo and gourmet tuition throughout 2022.
Don't forget to swipe up!
 
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JohannaCawffey

VIP Member
Coming up today:
"Thanks for the recommendations, lunch was a-ma-zing, I had some shit and Chesney gurned his way through his swordfish".

"Went back to the hotel after 16 espresso martinis, I had a luv-er-ly bath in Bath while Chesney gurned his way through the football in the room🙄"

"Got changed into this fab nightie-dress, only £139 from Asos, I'm going to team it with a Chanel chain belt, LV bag and Gucci tassle loafers cos I'm soooooo proper stylish..Chesney is gonna wear his fave lumberjack gurning shirt"

"Out for dinner in this proper lov-er-ley little restaurant , food is Thai cos we were meant to be in Thailand but Boris proper hates us Northerners and we couldn't go, even though I'm a key worker. Chesney is gurning again but I can tell he is really enjoying his steak and chips, he usually gets dehydrated chicken when I cook"

"This bar we're in would be banging but there's no atmosphere cos Bojo the spoilsport stopped all music and apparently we have to leave at 10, that's proper mental that, so me and Chesney are gonna go and get hammered in our room and post drunk stories on the gram cos you all proper love it"

"Can't wait to go to Bickcjester shopping Village tomorrow and get some cheap designer tat for my new house cos I'm a proper home designer and Mrs Hinch best watch out. Just need to sort out my hangover, never drinking again and I proper mean it"
😘
🤪
 
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Sticky One

VIP Member
My thread suggestion is -

Itsdaniellejourney #15 convinced she has curly hair, we still have forgotten about your Marbs affair.
 
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