I’ve been following this story everywhere I can because, unfortunately, my early years were very similar to Arthur.
Being locked in wardrobes, starved, hair cut off, beaten was the norm for me and my siblings. It didn’t stop until we got to secondary school age — then it become purely psychological instead.
For anyone who is baffled by the lack of intervention, I want to explain how people like Tustin, Hughes and my mother get away with it.
Firstly, they rule their children with an iron fist. When you beat a child for the first time, they react with extreme betrayal and avoidance. The more a child is hit, the more they start to believe it is “normal” to live like that. Once beatings start happening unpredictably, and not in response to bad behaviour, it is game over.
The child is conditioned to accept pain, and will actively protect the parent’s reputation because (a) pain is normal and (b) if it’s like this at home, how much worse could it be outside?
Secondly, people like Tustin and Hughes enforce social isolation like their lives depend on it. They do not swan around the world. They don’t invite people over to the house, or socialise willy-nilly. They barely have friends!
Abuse takes a lot of ongoing effort, and making sure there is a culture of silence and isolation in the home is one of the biggest undertakings.
The few people they do “approve” of are also quite similar to them. In my mother’s case, all her friends were OK with physical discipline so the excuse-making was there from the get go. If they called her a monster, they’d have to admit they were part monster themselves first. And when do people ever do that?
Thirdly and most importantly — most people are terrified of them. They are just as abusive and volatile to adults as they are to their own children.
Not many people have faith in the RSPCC. And when they do, they don’t have faith in themselves because so much of the abuse is secretive and explained away by accidents. Think about it.
How many articles have you read about exemplary social workers vs articles about a social worker who missed a fatal clue?
When was the last time you thought: “I trust the foster system in the UK“?
My teachers advocated for me by letting me sign my own letters, instead of sending them by post, because they didn’t want to be the reason I never came back.
And my grandparents were behind some of the happiest days of our childhood. McDonald’s twice in a day, sleeping at 1am, pillow forts in the living room with the cousins, sweets until we threw up.
They COULD have reported it but it would have resulted in being banned from seeing us or withdrawn from school, followed by a bone-shattering beating for us anyway. So they gave us little bits of happiness and safety instead, hoping we’d be reunited properly as adults (we were).
I 100% believe in reporting child abuse on sight, but the sad truth is that things often get worse before they get better, if ever.
Even in Arthur’s case, a report was made but his life was still cruelly taken because parents are given endless chances.
Where I live now, if my neighbour hit my child, they would go to jail. If they hit their own, nothing would happen.
No one wants to go against them, not even the system.
And that’s how you end up with stories like Arthur, Baby P and so many more.
Being locked in wardrobes, starved, hair cut off, beaten was the norm for me and my siblings. It didn’t stop until we got to secondary school age — then it become purely psychological instead.
For anyone who is baffled by the lack of intervention, I want to explain how people like Tustin, Hughes and my mother get away with it.
Firstly, they rule their children with an iron fist. When you beat a child for the first time, they react with extreme betrayal and avoidance. The more a child is hit, the more they start to believe it is “normal” to live like that. Once beatings start happening unpredictably, and not in response to bad behaviour, it is game over.
The child is conditioned to accept pain, and will actively protect the parent’s reputation because (a) pain is normal and (b) if it’s like this at home, how much worse could it be outside?
Secondly, people like Tustin and Hughes enforce social isolation like their lives depend on it. They do not swan around the world. They don’t invite people over to the house, or socialise willy-nilly. They barely have friends!
Abuse takes a lot of ongoing effort, and making sure there is a culture of silence and isolation in the home is one of the biggest undertakings.
The few people they do “approve” of are also quite similar to them. In my mother’s case, all her friends were OK with physical discipline so the excuse-making was there from the get go. If they called her a monster, they’d have to admit they were part monster themselves first. And when do people ever do that?
Thirdly and most importantly — most people are terrified of them. They are just as abusive and volatile to adults as they are to their own children.
Not many people have faith in the RSPCC. And when they do, they don’t have faith in themselves because so much of the abuse is secretive and explained away by accidents. Think about it.
How many articles have you read about exemplary social workers vs articles about a social worker who missed a fatal clue?
When was the last time you thought: “I trust the foster system in the UK“?
My teachers advocated for me by letting me sign my own letters, instead of sending them by post, because they didn’t want to be the reason I never came back.
And my grandparents were behind some of the happiest days of our childhood. McDonald’s twice in a day, sleeping at 1am, pillow forts in the living room with the cousins, sweets until we threw up.
They COULD have reported it but it would have resulted in being banned from seeing us or withdrawn from school, followed by a bone-shattering beating for us anyway. So they gave us little bits of happiness and safety instead, hoping we’d be reunited properly as adults (we were).
I 100% believe in reporting child abuse on sight, but the sad truth is that things often get worse before they get better, if ever.
Even in Arthur’s case, a report was made but his life was still cruelly taken because parents are given endless chances.
Where I live now, if my neighbour hit my child, they would go to jail. If they hit their own, nothing would happen.
No one wants to go against them, not even the system.
And that’s how you end up with stories like Arthur, Baby P and so many more.
. No one would choose to be abused, women don’t ‘stay’ in DV situations they are ‘stuck’ in them. Same with drugs- nobody chooses to be a drug addict- no one would choose that way of life.
How lovely.